SheZow Meets the Manstache!
by Neoraichu
Summary: A super hero from another town comes to Megadale to battle barber pirates! Will SheZow escape a close shave! Will it be cut close! Read on and see! Rated T just to be on the safe side.
1. Chapter 1

SheZow Meets the Manstache!

Episode 1, Part 1

By Neoraichu

All Characters are the property of Frederator Studios, and I hope that the Manstache is something I dreamed up myself.

...

It was a quiet day with no villainous rampages. The boys were bored stupid.

"The rules are simple, Maz," announced Guy, "We both smell my six month old gym socks, and the first to she-chicken out loses." He held up the rancid ball of socks as evidence of his claim.

"This is a dude on dude thing, right?" asked Maz, "Like no SheZow stuff?"

Guy laughed, "I hardly need SheZow powers to handle man stink! So, are you in or not?"

"Like totally count me in!"

"On the count of three, start with the sniffing! One!.. Two!.."

"Shemergency! Shemergency!" warned the perky pink lips that appeared on the super jumbo extra large monitor.

"Darn, the man-off will have to wait," moaned Guy, "What's the deal now, Sheila?"

"A sailboat is cruising the Megadale River and randomly attacking boats," she advised, "They seem to be looking for rich boats, because they're robbing any valuables they can find. On a related note, a strange man has been chasing the sailboat in a rowboat."

Maz vanished 'off-screen'. That is to say, he ducked behind the computer.

"This looks like a job for..." Guy paused for dramatic effects, "SheZow!"

"Thank goodness I don't have eyes in the back of my terminal," mused Sheila.

"_You go girl_!" ← Insert Magical Transformation sequence here. Really.

Maz emerged with an oar in one hand and a small boat over his head. He was dressed a lot like the sailor off the box of Crackerjacks, shouting, "And SheZow's loyal sidekick, Dinghy-Boy!"

"That makes sense on so many levels," muttered Sheila.

"What was that?" asked Maz.

"I said 'Your costume choice is sensible'," replied Sheila.

"Thanks computer-babe."

"Quickly, to the Shehicle!"

...

To move more efficiently, SheZow switched to the submarine mode as soon as they hit the River.

"You'd think this baby would have some kind of James Bond speedboat mode, wouldn't you?" asked SheZow.

"We couldn't think of every little thing," replied Sheila over the radio.

"What about those sailing bandits?"

"They were sighted less than a mile ahead."

"Wait... wait..." said SheZow as she squinted, "I think I see the sailing ship now! They've boarded an expensive looking yacht!"

"I'll throw out the dinghy!" offered Dinghy-Boy quasi-helpfully.

"Dude," said SheZow as she glared back, "We can step from the SS SheShell right onto the deck! It's not like they can't see us as soon as we surface. It's broad daylight."

"Oh."

"Just bring the oar in case we need the smack down on these creeps!"

So SheZow pulled the SheSub to the other side of the yacht, and the two proceeded to board.

They confronted six large and burly _barbers_ holding up the passengers with _scissors_? They were holding up a disgustingly rich old man and his old wife.

"Arrg, give as all yer valuablerrrs an we won't be hurrrrin ya," growled one.

Correction: _Barbary (barber-ee) pirates_.

"No one gets shaved while I'm around!" swore SheZow.

"Who might you be, missy?"

"I be!.. I mean, I am SheZow! The super guardian of Megadale! Since you don't know who I am, you must be new in town, so I'll go easy on you."

"ARR, we don't be caren about tha missy! We be fraid of no one, man nor child! The only thing you be leavin here with is a _bad day haircut_! Get her, boys!"

"No!" screamed SheZow, "_Not the hair_! I swear you won't touch the hair! Laser lipstick in punishing pink!" She activated her lipstick laser sword.

"ARR, she be armed like a man, so don't be going easy on the lass, boys!"

As they moved around to attack from all sides with their various scissors, suddenly a huge man with an more massive waxed handlebar mustache leaped over the side of the boat and landed next to SheZow.

"Don't worry missy," he said, "I swear upon Mr. Kevin's Triple-Strength Hair Cement that the Clipper Gang shall not cut one lock on your pretty head while the MANSTACHE is here!" He was over six feet tall, and dressed like a 1900's bare chested boxer. He even had the black leather boots and knee high socks of the day, and a pair of black silk boxers with a white elastic waistband. His fists were lightly wrapped in white flannel strips, as was common back in the day. His mustaches was waxed beyond belief, just like his short black hair. His blue eyes glinted in the sunlight. With his bare chest, his obvious muscled manly physique could be seen by one and all. About his waist was a prize fighter's belt with a large golden buckle. She couldn't be sure, but he might have been wearing a ring on his right hand as well.

"_IT'S THE MANSTACHE_!" they gasped as one.

"Clipper Gang?" asked SheZow, "Seriously?"

"ARR, didn't ye get the clues: We're on a Clipper Ship and we're holding Clippers?!"

"We call them sailboats and scissors around here."

"ARR, the precious lessons of the past be lost on the youth!"

"I take it these clowns know you?" asked SheZow.

"They are one of my mortal enemies, sworn to clip my hairy manliness from my face."

"And they're in Megadale WHY?!"

"I don't know, ask them."

"ARR, because we be tired of not cutting the bulletproof facial hair, so we sailed fer easier pickins, missy."

"I told you, I'm _SheZow_!"

"Stand back, Miss SheZow! I'll send these high seas hairmongers back to jail!"

"This is my town, and SheZow _**never**_ shirks her duties!"

"Nor does Dinghy Boy!"

"What the hell is that?" asked Manstache.

"The sidekick of a thousand faces."

"All right, Miss SheZow. You can fight at my side, but please leave the sidekicks out of this."

"Dinghy Boy?" asked SheZow.

"Fine fine," moaned Maz, "Hog all the fun."

"This is serious, boy!" scowled the Manstache, "No game for children!"

The Clipper Gang leaped to attack. Four moved to attack the Manstache and two on SheZow. Their scissors (clippers) were thrust ahead of them as menacingly as possible at the various hair bits of the hero and heroine.

SheZow blocked both scissors with her laser lipstick.

Manstache blocked two scissors with each side of his mustache.

"Don't think we arrrren't ready forrrr you this time, Manstache!" swore the Clipper pirate, "We have extra sharp clipperrrrsss that'll shear a 1 inch steel cable!"

"So you've sharpened your scissors this time!" replied the Manstache, "I'm not intimidated in the least!"

"You and yourrrr little friend here arrrrrr done forrrr!"

"Have some Hairlip Haymaker, miscreant!" The right side of his mustache transformed into an arm with a big fist, and punched out one of the goons attacking him. The goon fell back swearing "ARRR!"

'Darn,' thought SheZow, 'People I've never met before and they already have weapons that exploit my greatest weakness: My hair!' She blocked to her left and blocked to her right. It was true: the Clipper Gang boys on her were trying to cut her hair just like they were trying to cut the facial hair of the Manstache.

"Still no match for my Super Stache Slapdown!" The left side of his stache transformed into a giant hand about ten times normal size (for a hand) and slapped down on another Gang member.

"Hey," said SheZow, "I can do that too! Heavy Handed Super She-Slap!" Her hand grew huge and slapped a goon into the wall of the boat.

"Good job," said the Manstache, "But you've left your hair _unguarded_!"

The scissor armed man stepped in, his shears aimed at SheZow's hair. Time seemed to slow down as the scissors came closer and closer. It was too late to block with the Heavy Hand or the Laser Lipstick. 'Oh man!' SheZow thought, 'My hair and my powers!'

"Jaw jab!" A hairy fist slammed into the goon before he could close the clippers on her hair. He got knocked clean away from SheZow. But the Manstache left himself open to protect SheZow's hair.

"ARR, we got'im now!"

"Not so fast!" SheZow called, "Eat my She-scream!" She shouted at the men attacking the Manstache, catching three of them at once. They were all bowled over before the could lay a clipper on the hairlip of the Manstache.

"ARR, we be losin, boys!"

...

The scene changes to the dock where the Megadale Police have gathered.

"Are you alright, Mr and Mrs Howell?" asked SheZow.

"As right as rain, Missy," said Mr Howell, "as long as I don't have to tip."

'Cheapskate,' thought SheZow.

Then Boxter came onto the ship.

'Oh great,' thought SheZow, 'here it comes.'

"All right, Mister," he growled, "Who are... are... are..."

'What the heck?' thought SheZow.

"_Are YOU the Mighty Manstache_?!"

"Yes, I am he," he replied, "and he is I."

"Oh, I've been dying to meet you!"

"Always glad to meet a fan."

"Wait a minute," said SheZow, "You call me a vigilante and a menace, but you gush all over HIM?!"

"For one thing," said the Cop, "He's the manliest man who ever lived. And another thing, he isn't working in Megadale. You're just visiting, right?"

"Yes, as soon as the Clipper Gang is back on their way to jail, I'll be out of your way."

"I don't want to be rude," he replied, "I'm sure my son is just as crazy to meet you as me. I know it's a lot to ask, but can you come over to my house for dinner... just this once?"

Manstache laughed, "Of course, it wouldn't be a bother at all. I'd love to meet your son. I'm sure your wife is also worthy of your obvious manliness."

"Oh she is," he swooned, "She is!.. Can you come by at 7 pm sharp?"

"Just give me the address and I promise I'll be there."

"You have no idea who much this means to me."

"Don't sweat it, my good man. Just promise you won't go overboard on dinner or anything. I'm not like some king of old who's going to bankrupt you with some expectation of glitz and splendor."

"Seriously?" asked SheZow.

"Oh yes," replied Manstache, "It's embarrassing to think about how many working families have put themselves in a hole just because they think I'm a celebrity or something."

"Or something..." muttered SheZow.

(Insert filler sequences here! She-yeah!)

SheZow Meets the Manstache!

Episode 1, Part 2

By Neoraichu

Guy was appalled how his father was gushing over the Manstache. He pounded Manstache storied into his head, Kelly's head, and their Mother's head until at least he was ready to scream. He worried how his poor mother and sister would react to seeing that shirtless hunk of muscular manhood parading around his house like a star even though he claimed he never really wanted such a thing.

But even Guy was surprised when the Manstache appeared at the front door at seven o'clock sharp wearing a black bowler hat, a clean silk white shirt with short sleeves and ivory buttons, and a black bowtie. He even had white cuffs with ivory buttons on his wrists.

"Good evening," he said, "Thank you for the invitation."

"It's my honor," said Mr Boxter, "Please come in. Dinner is all set. I hope my wife's special steak and potatoes will be alright?"

"Ah, nothing like man-food! For manly men! By... uh... womanly women!"

"Truer words were never spoken."

'Why do I feel like throwing up?' thought Guy.

"Hey, I didn't know you were having company on the day you were expecting me for dinner," said someone behind the Manstache.

"Maz!" scolded Guy.

"We were expecting Maz for dinner?" asked Kelly from behind Guy.

"I... uh... guess that little thing... slipped my mind..."

"I can go if you can't feed all of your guests," offered the Manstache.

"No no!" called Mr Boxter, "There's plenty for everyone! I promise! Come on in!"

So the Manstache and Maz came inside.

"Droosha!" called Mr Boxter, "Set the table for one more, honey!"

"Please excuse me," offered Manstache, "I should wash my hands before dinner."

"How proper," said Kelly, "_Someone_ could learn some manners from you."

"Yeah Dad," said Guy.

Kelly just slapped her forehead... hard.

After everyone washed their hands (whether they felt it was needed or not), everyone came together at the dinner table. There was a great spread of Tenderloin steak, Rib-eye steak, baked potatoes, mashed potatoes, wheat dinner rolls, boiled carrots, buttered Brussels sprouts, brown gravy, butter, and a few other things.

"Oh this food is most glorious," said the Manstache, "I hope I don't make a pig of myself."

"Eat as much as you want," said Mr Boxter.

"You are too kind."

"Please," begged Dad, "Tell us all about your fantastic adventures, Manstache!"

"Well, if I won't bore you..."

"Impossible!"

'Quite possible,' thought Guy.

...

2 and a half hours later, Manstache and Maz were waiting at the door to leave. Mr Baxter wouldn't let him leave without properly packed leftovers... for the Manstache. Maz was on his own.

"You're so lucky to have such a great wife," mused the Manstache, "Like a chef to the gods."

"I know," agreed Mr Boxter.

'Talk about laying on thick,' thought Guy. Kelly glanced at him as if reading his mind.

"What?" he asked.

"Nothing," she answered.

"The children are still young and need their sleep," advised Manstache, "I hope I haven't kept them up past curfew."

"They're going to bed as soon as you leave," said Mr Boxter.

"Remember to brush and floss, children."

"Oh, they will. They always do."

"It's vital to avoiding bad teeth later in life, you know."

"We know."

'He's like my other father,' thought Guy hotly, 'maybe even worse.'

"Do you need a lift home, Maz?" asked Manstache.

"Do you have a car?" asked Maz in awe.

"No, I'd _literally_ carry you home. It's one of my Manstache powers."

"Oh, that would be awesome!"

"Funny," he mused, "In this light, you look almost exactly like Dinghy-Boy, the sidekick of Miss SheZow."

"I get that a lot. We're not even related."

'Mental barf,' thought Guy.

"_SheZow_," muttered Dad under his breath, "_Vigilante menace_..."

"I'm sorry, were you speaking to me?" asked the Manstache.

"No, it was nothing. Really. It must have been... one of my musical belches."

"Oh, I see. Such a talent, I must say."

'SUPER mental barf,' thought Guy.

"Well, take care of yourself, kind officer," said the Manstache, "and know that if any more villains of my fair city come to trouble you, there shall be... _THE MANSTACHE_!"

"SheZow has this city covered," offered Guy.

"I'm sure she can handle her own rogue's gallery, but my villains are... a cut above."

"A sail..." began Guy, but Kelly clamped her hand over her brother's mouth tightly.

"Be respectful!" she chided.

"Yeah son," added Dad, "Be respectful."

"I'm sure he'll grow up to be a fine young man and upstanding citizen," observed the Manstache, "Good night one and all."

...

Scene shift to Guy's room: The clock reads 12:01.

"Shemergency. Shemergency."

Guy moaned in his sleep.

"Shemergency. Shemergency."

It was coming from his ring. He turned over face up.

"Shemergency. Shemergency."

"I got it already," he moaned, "What time is it? What kind of villain keeps such lousy hours?"

"It's Mega-Monkey. He's on a late night rampage."

"Oh, just swell."


	2. Chapter 2

Mega Monkey Strikes while SheZow is Weak!

Episode 2, Part 1

By Neoraichu

All Characters are the property of Frederator Studios, and I hope that the Manstache is something I dreamed up myself.

...

It was after midnight, and SheZow was off to battle Mega Monkey all by herself. There wasn't enough time to get Maz and wait for him to come up with yet another sidekick costume, and he was sure Kelly was in no mood to join this battle either. But Guy was kept up by the dinner they had with the Manstache. He was still tired, so SheZow was tired too.

The Shehicle had to make constant corrections for the fact that SheZow was nodding off behind the wheel, which was something you're never supposed to do. Every time the wheel jerked on its own or the Shehicle applied the brakes, SheZow got awakened again.

"Oh how can I fight Mega Monkey like this?" she moaned.

"Well," replied Sheila, "This isn't exactly the first time someone tried to beat SheZow by making her fight while she was tired."

"So what she do about it then?"

"Well, she stopped by a convenience store and drank a six pack of energy drinks."

"I haven't got time for that, Sheila."

"That's why there's Super She-tastic Energy Drinks in the back of the glove box now. It will give you a huge energy boost without the caffeine side effects. It's all natural, just the way SheZow liked it."

"Watch the road for a minute while I get one."

"Of course."

SheZow leaned over and pulled the glove box open. She rifled through the contents muttering, "Where are you?" There seemed to be some much stuff stuffed in the glove box.

"We'll be at the site of Mega Monkey's attack in just a minute."

"There you are!" SheZow called as she pulled out a can, "Super She-tastic Energy Drink down the hatch!" She guzzled it down as fast as she could. Her entire body sparked with electricity as she shouted, "I feel powerful!"

"It's lucky the Shehicle is protected against voltage surges," muttered Sheila, "but don't get cocky. That drink counters the exhaustion, but your wits aren't quite up to par. Your body can't be as fast if your mind isn't up to speed."

"Don't worry, it's just Mega Monkey."

"I'm sure he planned for you to be tired now, but don't think he won't notice that your mind is still fuzzy. He'll surely try to use that against you."

"You worry too much."

"You should worry more. Without Maz and Kelly, you have no backup."

"What's the worst that could..." SheZow stopped in mid sentence because she saw that Mega Monkey's monkey minions were no longer 'mini': They were now 'mega monkey minions'. It was like looking at half a dozen King Kong sized monkeys.

"You could have mentioned this, Sheila," muttered SheZow.

"Those ginormous monkeys weren't there just a minute ago," replied Sheila, "I promise my scanners would have noticed something like that."

"I can't go back for help now. Those mega monkey minions will tear Megadale apart by the time I get back. Those banana belching buffoons are going down in downtown!"

"..."

"What? That was the best I could do on short notice."

"Remember, your mind is still sleepy, and Mega Monkey will use that against you. Plus whatever other tricks he has up his monkey sleeves."

"Right, look out for tricks. Got ya."

"We're here," Sheila answered, "I'll park the car myself this time. Just this once."

"Fine. It's about time someone sent Mega Monkey to bed for waking me up like this. By the way, where is Mega Monkey?"

"My scanners indicate that Mega Monkey is on top of the tallest skyscraper in Megadale. It would be logical to assume he's up there to guide his mega monkey minions and keep an eye out for your arrival."

"Logical, Mr Spock."

"Pardon?"

"Nothing."

The Shehicle parked itself as SheZow leaped out to confront the mega monkey minions. Of course, the sound of screeching tires and power brake discs drew the attention of the monkey minions right to SheZow. They didn't look happy to see her... or anyone else for that matter.

"They don't look happy to see me," said SheZow.

"They aren't happy to see anyone," replied Sheila, "Whatever process Mega Monkey used to super size his monkey minions has also super sized their rage. Those monkeys are totally out of control. They'll smash anything that gets in their way."

"Well, that explains why Mega Monkey is on top of a skyscraper. They'd go after him too."

"Good point."

"Heavy Handed Super She-Slap!" Her hand grew to enormous size and she struck at the big toe of the nearest mega monkey minion. The King Kong sized monkey minion looked down on her as if her slap had just made him notice that she was there at all.

"This isn't good!" she shouted as she dodged aside from the pavement splintering fist that cratered the road just where she had been standing.

Mega Monkey glared down from above. "My plan is perfect. SheZow is tired and my mega monkey minions shall slap her into the pavement like a bug. Once she is down and out of the fight, my real plan begins. My revenge begins. Maybe I should partake of evil laughter now?"

"Laser lipstick in punishing pink!" called SheZow as her laser lipstick ignited. She lashed out at the big toe again, but all it did was chip a toenail (which really needed to be trimmed anyways). It made the mega monkey minion all the angrier.

She didn't get out of the way of its other fist in time. When the fist pulled back, she was imbedded in the bottom of a crater made by the heavy monkey fist. "Owwie..." she moaned.

The first fist came in to deliver the final blow.

'Is this the end?' thought SheZow, 'Is this where Mega Monkey wins?' She closed her eyes and waited for the bone smashing crunch... and waited... and waited. Risking disappointment, she opened one eye and exclaimed, "MANSTACHE?!"

Yes, the Mighty Manstache had intercepted the final blow with his mighty mustache powers. It took all of his stache strength, but he stopped the fist less than a foot away from SheZow.

"_Never fear, the Manstache is here_!"

"I thought you left town already."

"I was leaving, but my mustache of power picked up on the Megadale Police Emergency Band, and I figured you could use my help."

"_MANSTACHE_?!" called Mega Monkey, "What are you doing here in _Megadale_? This isn't _Smalltownsville_!"

"Even Mega Monkey know the Manstache?!" exclaimed SheZow.

"Well he did team up with **_Big Brain Long Winded Super Genius Monkey Who Talks Way Too Long About Everything_**," said Manstache, "but I beat them both back with the help of the **_Really Cute Kids Look Like Dolls With Nasty Super Powers Puffy Girls_**."

"And you said all that with a straight face?"

"Sure, why not?"

"Never mind."

"It doen't matter!" shouted Mega Monkey, "My mega monkey minions will crush you both just as easily as one of you. I'll get what I want after all."

"Not while the Manstache is here!"

"Mega Monkey has a point. His super sized goons will just..." SheZow paused to just stare as Manstache's mustache turned into 50 foot tall super beefy arms. "Smack us..."

"Don't worry, Miss SheZow!" he called, "The Manstache has fought giants before!"

"Wow... that's impressive..."

"Wow, that is impressive," muttered Mega Monkey, "I didn't know he could do that. Curse that interfering mustache bound creep!"

"Super Stache Seismic Slam!" he called as he grabbed two mega monkey minions and slammed them into each other. The whole area shook with the power of a minor earthquake.

"It's lucky Megadale is built up to the latest earthquake codes," muttered SheZow.

But Mega Monkey wasn't ready to give up on his other plan. He reached down and pulled up a funky high tech super bazooka and aimed it at SheZow while the Manstache was smacking around his mega monkey minions, and SheZow was fixated on watching him.

"This electrified super-sticky goo net will take the fight right out of you, SheZow!" He fired just as she looked around. It was too late to avoid, and too late to deflect. The whole crater was now full of a sticky pink goo net.

"My hair!"

Then the goo became electrified. It shocked her badly.

"Aaaaggghhh!"

The Manstache was too busy to help.

(Insert filler sequences here! She-yeah!)

Mega Monkey Meets the Manstache!

Or Meet the Neighbors!

Episode 2, Part 2

By Neoraichu

SheZow was gooey, shocked and terribly weakened by Mega Monkey's insidious attack. But she still had one thing going for her: Her laser lipstick in punishing pink. She knew it would take time for Mega Monkey to come all the way down from the top of the skyscraper, and she needed that time to cut herself loose. But she was still weak from all the goo in her hair, and if she were zapped again, it may well have all been over for her.

The Manstache had his hairy mustache arms full, so he couldn't help. SheZow just had to get away to get herself back in order. She really hoped that the Manstache could hold out until she got back. But since she was disoriented and her mind fuzzy, she stumbled into an alley in the opposite direction from the Shehicle.

She stumbled about twenty feet into the alley, her ears ringing with the massive slams and impacts of the battle between the Manstache and the mega monkey minions. But she was finished. Falling face first onto the dirty road, she passed out as she changed back into Guy.

...

"Curses!" shouted Mega Monkey, "Where is SheZow?!" The crater was empty but for a few strands of goo. "I should have got the rechargeable shocking pink goo! Curse me for being cheap at a time like this!"

"You aren't done with the Manstache yet!"

"What?" he asked, "Those stupid mega monkey minions haven't crushed you yet?"

"What?!"

"I said, '_Those stupid mega monkey minions haven't crushed you yet_?!'"

All the mega monkey minions stopped to look at Mega Monkey.

"Well played, Manstache," moaned Mega Monkey, "Well played."

He slapped a control on his wrist, and the mega monkey minions shrank back down into mini monkey monkey minions.

"Curse you, Manstache, for foiling my perfect plan! I'll get you and SheZow both, I promise!"

"Another hairy situation beaten by... the MANSTACHE!"

Another jab at his wrist caused them all to teleport away.

...

"Hey kid!" shouted someone in Guy's sleep. It sounded familiar. "Hey kid!" Someone was trying to wake him up. "Hey kid! Are you alright?!"

He opened his eyes to find himself looking into the face of Manstache.

"Ohhh... I feel so funky..."

"You're the son of Officer Boxter, aren't you?"

"Uh yeah."

"What are you doing out here so late? Won't your father be worried?"

"It's... it's... it's a long story... okay, it's not so long. Mega Monkey kidnapped me from my own home for some sick reason."

"It's lucky that I was here. SheZow got gooed and zapped good. I hope she's all right... where ever she might be."

"I... hope so too."

"You better bathe when you get home son. That goo is going to take a lot of work to get out."

"Oh..."

"Are you alright? Should I take you to a hospital?"

"No!" he cried, "I'm... I'm fine. Nothing a good bath and sleep won't fix. Just take me home, please?"

"Alright, I'll take you home straight away."

...

"Manstache?!" asked Mr Boxter at the door in his jammies, "And Guy?! What the heck is going on here?!"

"Your son got grabbed by Mega Monkey, but SheZow and I saved him. I asked if he wanted to go to a Hospital, but he insisted I carry him home. He's a good boy, Mr Boxter."

"Where's SheZow?"

"I don't know. She got hurt by Mega Monkey, and I have to go look for her. You take good care of your son, you hear?"

"Of course. As soon as you're cleaned up, you're going right to bed. I'll call school tomorrow and tell them you're sick. We'll take you to the Doctor for a checkup just to be safe. Who knows what that mad monkey has done to you..."

"I just want to fight crime like you, Dad."

"You have to become a policeman first. It has to been done the legal and right way."

"Good night, Mr Boxter. MANSTACHE AWAY!" He leaped away into the night with a boost from his mustache.

"Too bad he isn't a cop," muttered Mr Boxter, "or he would be perfect."

...

Once in bed, Guy spoke into the ring. "Sheila?" he asked "Could you..."

"I drove the Shehicle back hours ago, Guy."

"That great... I'm so tired..."

"Get some sleep. You've earned it."

But Guy was already snoring.

...

Guy awoke to find his mother looking over him. She was leaning over the bed with some bowl in her hand.

"Good afternoon, son," she said brightly, "I know it's a little late for breakfast, but I've made your favorite boysenberry oatmeal anyways. It always picks you up when you're feeling down."

She offered a spoonful.

"Mom," he moaned, "I can feed myself now. Please."

She handed the bowl to him while he realized he was out of line.

"I'm sorry I said that," he added.

"That's all right," she replied, "I sometimes forget you're growing up. I was scared to death when the Manstache brought you home last night. You were all gooey and disoriented. I was... _terrified_!"

Droosha suddenly hugged Guy and cried.

"I'm all right," he said, "I promise."

"I'm sorry," she sobbed, "I just couldn't hold it all in any more."

"_I'm sorry too_," he choked, "I don't want to make you worry." He began crying too.

Kelly poked her head in the door, but stepped back without a word.

They cried until it was all worked out of their system, and then she waited until he was done eating. "Thanks mom," he said softly, "You're the best mother I guy could ever have. I love you."

"I love you too," she sniffed. She took the bowl and left. But then Guy heard Kelly and his mother talking in the hall.

"Mom?"

"Yes dear," replied Droosha.

"Maybe Guy could use some fresh air."

"I suppose. Could you go along with him?"

"Sure."

"Where would you go?"

"Oh," she mused, "I heard that someone is moving in to old man Boxer's house down the street today. Perhaps it would do Guy good to meet some new neighbors."

"Well that's just brilliant, Kelly," said Mom, "Please help Guy take his mind off... you know... the..."

"I know."

Kelly walked in as he heard Mom walk away.

"So how much did you hear?" he asked.

"Hear about what?" she asked innocently.

"Oh... nothing..."

"Well get dressed, brother. I'll wait outside the door, okay?"

…

So the two of them walked down the street to meet the new neighbors.

An average looking blonde haired boy with pale skin and blue eyes was standing between the moving truck and the front door. He was wearing blue jeans and a blue pullover sweater. He was holding a clipboard and a number two pencil.

"That box goes in the kitchen. Be careful: The China set is very fragile," he said to one mover, and then to the next, "That box goes in the bedroom." As he talked, he made check marks on the clipboard.

"I can see who's the organized one in that family," commented Kelly.

He shot a sidelong glance as they walked up.

"Hi," said Kelly, "We're neighbors from a few houses down the way. I'm Kelly Hamdon and this is my brother Guy."

"We are _not_ moving in," he said curtly, "We're just here long enough to get Uncle Boxer's house in order and sell it."

"That's a shame," said Guy, "but who are you?"

"If you must know," he replied gruffly, "My name is Gerald Boxer, but most people just call me 'Guy'."

"Some coincidence?"

"Yeah, I'm sure it is."

Just then, a blonde hair blue eyed girl came by on a skateboard. She glanced at the group as she skated by, her blue eyes glinting in the sun as her long blonde hair waived in the wind. Her outfit was blue from head to do, including a blue summer dress, crash helmet and knee pads. She just glowed as she smiled.

"And that's my slacking good time seeking sister, Kelsey."

She easily changed directions as she rolled around the group.

"Dad told you to help," said Gerald.

"I'm not a moving man," she replied, "and you know I can't organize to save my life. If I tried to help, I'd just make a mess of everything... like always."

"Fine," muttered Gerald, "Keep slacking off. See where you wind up in life. I can't cover for your mistakes forever, you know."

"Wow," said Guy, "That's harsh."

"It's only for her own good."

"So," he said changing the subject, "You skateboard, huh?"

"Oh yeah," she replied, "I wanna be a pro like Tony Hawk."

"Don't you mean Lacey Baker?" asked Kelly.

"Her too."

"Hey," said Guy, "I have a half-pipe at my house. Wanna check it out?"

"Awesome!" she replied, "Hey bro..."

"Yeah yeah," he groaned, "If you wanna slack off, you might as well do it at their house. Just be back in time for dinner."

"Right."

After losing sight of Gerald, Kelsey asked, "Is that a _SheZow ring_?!"

Guy clutched his ring hand self consciously. "Um... well..."

"That's cool," said Kelsey, "SheZow is awesome! I knew she just had to have some dude fans! That is a REALLY good fake!"

"Oh..." muttered Guy, "Very good fake."

"Wait," interrupted Kelly, "Are you wearing a _Manstache ring_?!"

Kelsey clutched her ring hand self consciously. "Um... well..."

Kelly said, "Manstache is like the manliest of manly men."

"Well," said Kelsey, "He's really strong and he's always respectful to women. I can't think of any woman who wouldn't mind be saved by him."

"That's a really good fake too."

"Oh yeah," she replied, "They sell a lot of these back in Smalltownsville."

"I'm sure they do."


	3. Chapter 3

A Mixed Up Ring Thing

Episode 3, Part 1

By Neoraichu

All Characters are the property of Frederator Studios, and I hope that the Manstache is something I dreamed up myself.

...

So Guy Hamdon and Kelsey Boxer took turns impressing each other with their skateboarding skills. While Guy was good, Kelsey was just a cut above. While Guy could do Handplants, Kick Flips, the Indy, the Tail Stall and the Rock to Fakie well enough, Kelsey was already good at things like Japan Air, the Scarewalk, and the 540 degree midair twist. She was just learning to do a 720 degree midair double turn. She wanted to be good enough to do the famous 900 first done by Tony Hawk. Kelly was watching from nearby with a slight expression of disinterest.

"Wow Kelsey," he said, "You're GREAT!"

"I bet if you practiced as much as me," she replied, "You'd be as good. Or as my brother calls it, slacking off."

"Well, I'm not trying to go pro like you. There's other things I plan for my life."

"Like what?"

"I'm not sure yet, but I'm positive that Maz and I will figure it out together."

"Maz? He's a friend of yours?"

"Oh, we're the best of buds!"

"I wish we could be friends too."

"As long as you're here, consider us buds too!"

"Aw thanks," she said awkwardly, "I don't have many buds back in Smalltownsville. They just aren't big on Skateboarding there even though it's a huge metropolis."

"Smalltownsville is a huge metropolis?"

"Ironic, isn't it?"

"Megadale is a large city, but not huge," giggled Guy, "More irony?"

"Like you know what irony is," groaned Kelly.

They both ignored her.

"Now that we're buds," said Guy, "Fist bump!"

Guy and Kelsey smacked their fists together. It wasn't planned, but their rings smacked right into each other. There was a blast of light and sound. When the light cleared, the two had been blown to the sides of the halfpipe and slid back down to the middle.

Kelly came in, saying "Are you alright?"

"Oh," moaned Guy, "I feel weird."

"Me too," said Kelsey.

Guy glanced at himself. He was now Kelsey. "Hey! I'm a girl!"

Kelsey looked at herself. She was now Guy. "Hey! I'm a dude!"

Kelly looked at their hands. "It can't be!" she shouted, "To the She-Lair!" She grabbed them both by the wrists and dragged them away.

...

Kelly dragged them into the She-Lair.

"Has anyone ever heard of security protocols?" asked Sheila.

"This is a Shemergency!" announced Kelly.

"What? Cooties?"

She held up their ring hands. "What's wrong with this picture, Sheila!?"

"Guy is wearing the Manstache Ring and this girl is wearing the SheZow Ring?!"

"Her name is Kelsey Boxer, and it's worse than it looks! I think their minds have switched too!"

"Let me scan to verify."

"Of course."

Sheila scanned Guy and Kelsey. "You're right," she announced, "They've switched minds and rings! This is IMPOSSIBLE!"

"And yet here they are."

"What does this mean?" asked the female Guy.

"This simulation should explain all."

The Screen showed two lines:

Mind of Guy → Body of Kelsey → Power of SheZow

Mind of Kelsey → Body of Guy → Power of Manstache

"That's whack!" said female Guy.

"What is we just strike the rings against each other again?" offered male Kelsey.

"I know almost nothing about the power of the Manstache Ring, other than it is not like the power of the SheZow Ring. The powers are not compatible. Doing that is just as likely to make the situation even worse than it is better, or it might have no effect at all."

"We can't tell our parents this," moaned the female Guy.

"But you have to tell my brother," replied the male Kelsey, "He knows I'm the Manstache... _and he hates me for it_."

"Hates you?" asked Kelly, "But you're his sister... or you were."

"I was stupid," she cried, "I cheated him of being the Manstache because I didn't believe him!"

"This sounds familiar. Let me take a wild guess. You put on the Manstache Ring just to prove your brother wrong and now you can't take it off?"

"How did you know?"

"I did the same thing to Kelly," said the female Guy with regret.

"But he knows I don't hate him for it," added Kelly, "Has Gerald actually said he hates you?"

"No, I see it every time he looks at me," replied the male Kelsey.

"Well perhaps you're wrong? We better go tell him right now."

"Okay, we might as well get the lecture out of the way."

...

"Let me get this straight," said Gerald, "My sister is now a man and Manstache, and your brother is now my sister and SheZow?"

"That's pretty much it," said Kelly.

"I can't believe this!"

"I saw it all," she replied in their defense, "It was an accident!"

"_With my slacker sister, it's always an accident_!" shouted Gerald with some anger.

"_My brother is a slacker too_!" shouted Kelly, "but at least I'm _trying_ to understand! You can do as much for your sister!"

"**No, you don't understand!** I've been training my whole life to be the Manstache and my stupid slacker sister ruins it all in one thoughtless move!"

"**I understand, all right!** I've been training my whole life to be SheZow and my stupid brother ruins it all in one thoughtless move as well!"

Guy and Kelsey looked ashamed of themselves.

Gerald paused, then said, "Look, sorry I yelled at you. I want to protect my sister, but it's usually protecting her from herself."

Kelly replied, "I forgive you. I yelled too. It's a sore point with me, but I have to protect my brother from himself too."

There was an awkward quiet for several seconds.

"But blame won't get us anywhere," advised Kelly, "We have to figure out how to make things look normal until SheZow's super computer can find a way to fix things. That means Kelsey has to pretend to be my brother, and Guy has to pretend to be your sister. That means the Manstache must have access to the SheLair, and SheZow has to sneak into her own base."

"I understand," said Gerald, "I'll do everything I can to help. I guess I have it a little easier than you. We're living here alone until the house is sold, and we don't have any friends around here. You should have the problem fixed by the time we sell the house and move back to Smalltownsville."

"I hope so," said Kelly, "I really hope so."

"Will Smalltownsville get by without the Manstache?" asked the female Guy.

"Oh, there's many heroes as well as villains there," answered Gerald, "They're used to covering for each other if one of them disappears for a while. There will be questions to answer once we get back, though."

"I'm sure," replied Kelly, "But SheZow is the only hero at the moment. Her former partner turned villain out of spite."

"I guess it must be lucky that the Manstache works alone. Well, he kind of teams up with other heroes as needed, but has never had a long term partner."

"Well, I should know Guy well enough to coach Kelsey on how to be him."

"And I think I know Kelsey well enough to coach Guy on how to be her."

(Insert filler sequences here! She-yeah!)

Trading Places

Episode 3, Part 2

By Neoraichu

In the body of Guy Hamdon, Kelsey moved in with Kelley to live in Guy's room, and in the body of Kelsey, Guy moved in with Gerald to live in Kelsey's room.

So Kelsey went to see the room of Guy for the first time.

"Oh, this room is a pigsty!" moaned Kelsey as she looked about Guy's room, "How can he live in a mess like this?"

"Because he's a guy," said Kelly, "and almost all men hate to clean their rooms."

"I... I... I have to clean this up!"

"All right, I'll try to convince Mom and Dad that you've finally matured a bit and you're ready to live like a civilized person. It might take a few days until the shock wears off."

"Thanks Kelly," said Kelsey quietly, "I... wish I could have a big sister like you instead of my big mean brother."

"After living with me for a few days, you might just change your mind."

"I hope not."

"We'll see," Kelly said, "So get to cleaning if that's what will make you happy. I'll start talking to Mom and Dad about how I've finally got you to... mature a bit."

"Thanks... sis."

Kelly secretly smiled as she left the room.

...

Guy went with Gerald to Kelsey's room, and found himself in a pink and pastel nightmare. Every wall was decorated with ponies, Pegasus and unicorns. The bed was covered with stuffed versions of the same. The only thing that comforted Guy was the spare skateboard gear neatly stacked in the corner of the room. It was all to neat and clean for Guy to bear.

"What the heck?" he moaned, "It's so... so... GIRLY!"

"It's hard to believe this is the room of the Mighty Manstache, isn't it?"

"Heck yeah. How sloppy is your room?"

"Sorry to disappoint," said Gerald, "but my man-cave is still very neat and clean too. Being neat in our rooms is about the only thing I have in common with my slacker sister."

"Aren't you being to hard on her?"

"Maybe," he replied, "but I want to see her succeed. She never succeed if she just trains to do that skateboard thing. It not like she'll ever be the next Tony the Tiger."

"You mean 'Tony Hawk'?"

"Whatever."

"Well this room desperately needs some... dudification."

"Knock yourself out. I'd just love to see the look on Kelsey's face when she comes back."

"Whatever."

...

When Kelly came back to Guy's room, she could have been bowled over with a feather. It was all neat and clean. Everything was in its place. There was even a few stuffed ponies, Pegasus and unicorns on the bed.

"How did you?.." stammered Kelly.

"Oh, just a little Manstache power, a quick trip to the BallsToTheWallMart, and a credit card," Kelsey replied.

"A bit much," she replied, "I hope my parents won't think you've gone mental on them."

"I'm sorry," replied Kelsey, "but this is the kind of thing I'm used to. I can't go to sleep without a stuffed animal to hold."

"I see..." replied Kelly, "This is going to take... A LOT... of explaining..."

"I'm sorry I'm such a bother."

"No, don't apologize for being yourself. Ever."

"Okay sis."

"You might need a few pointers on dressing like my brother. Just the basics. No makeup, no jewelry. No fancy hairstyles. Definitely no panties. Just plain old boxers."

"I can do that," replied Kelsey.

"The hard part will be explaining why you want to shower more than once a week."

"Once a week?" she exclaimed, "I normally shower twice a day and three times in summer."

"Yeah, that's a lot of explaining all right."

...

When Gerald came back to Kelsey's room, he could have been bowled over with a feather. It was a pigsty. It was like 2 months of mess in only an hour. The only thing stacked was the stuffed animals, in the corner. The skateboard gear was now spread everywhere. Gerald was surprised he didn't injure himself just stepping inside.

Guy shrugged, and said "I'm a dude."

"You're a slob," Gerald retorted, "How do your parents ever live with you?"

"I'm a dude."

"And you're repeating yourself."

"It's a blanket excuse."

"Oh never mind," he moaned, "I really don't care as long as Kelsey gets to clean up when she gets back."

"You're all heart," said Guy sarcastically, "You know that?"

"I thought I had the easy job, but I know I was really wrong now."

"Well at least a girl can dress like a boy and not get the third degree about it."

"That is true, and my sister is tomboyish enough already. But there is one thing."

"What's that?"

"I'll have to show you how to wear a sports bra. My sister has enough... cleavage... to worry about rubbing her nipples sore with... her active lifestyle."

"A bra?" he replied, "Even as SheZow, I don't wear a bra."

"Live and learn."

...

After a day of settling in, they returned to the She-Lair with Gerald in tow this time.

"Wow," he mused, "This place is incredible!"

"The computer and the gadgets?" asked his Guy sister.

"No, that it's so clean in here!"

"I take it this is Gerald Boxer?" asked Sheila.

"You are correct, Miss Computer."

"Please call me Sheila."

"Very well, Sheila. It's nice to meet you."

"What can I do for you?"

"Any progress on fixing Guy and Kelsey?" asked Kelly.

"No, it's a complex problem, and I have no idea how long it will take to come to a solution."

"Just keep working on it with every spare moment you have. In the meantime, I think you both should try turning super to see if your hero forms are the same as before."

"Good idea," said female Guy, "I'll go first. _You go girl_!" ← _insert transformation sequence here_

"I feel funny," said SheZow.

"You look funny too," said Kelly, "I mean... _you have breasts now_!"

SheZow looked at herself. It was true. She was as stacked as Tara now. Her costume felt just a little tight in the top.

"How am I ever going to explain this?!"

"It's not like you're a porn star top heavy," commented Kelly, "Just tell people that... you're powers have evolved... by... I don't know... super serum, radiation accident or something."

"I'll go now," said the male Kelsey, "_By the power of lip hair_!" ← _insert transformation sequence here_

"_**I HAVE THE POWER**_!"

"And you have... _chest hair_!" observed Gerald, "and... and... _a bulge in your trunks_!"

Manstache looked at himself. It was true. He had chest hair, AND a much more noticeable package between his legs now.

"How am I ever going to explain this?!"

"It's not like you're a porn star hung," commented Gerld, "Just tell people that... you're powers have evolved... by... I don't know... cosmic rays, radioactive spider bite or something."

"Determining if your powers have changed is going to take a lot more trial and error than precise science and scanning," advised Sheila, "Like I said, the Manstache Ring and its powers are still a mystery to me."

"Well I still seem to have all the same gadgets," said SheZow, "It won't be hard to tell if they work the same. Besides, you have much more knowledge of the powers of previous SheZows, Sheila."

"Of course."

"We shouldn't try to find out when a villain attacks," added the Manstache.

"Very true," replied SheZow.

"Shemergency, Shemergency," said Sheila.

"Unless something comes up first..."


	4. Chapter 4

An Unmanly Manly Attack

Episode 4, Part 1

By Neoraichu

All Characters are the property of Frederator Studios, and I hope that the Manstache is something I dreamed up myself.

...

"What's the Shemergency, Sheila?" asked Kelly.

"An unknown villain is attacking downtown. Their motive and goals remain unknown at this time as well."

"Do we have a visual?" asked SheZow.

"I should have that in just a second," replied the computer.

The monitor showed an image of someone standing on the tallest bank corporate office in Megadale, and it was quite the site. He appeared to be tall (perhaps 10 feet) with a spread of bull horns and cloven hooves for feet. His arms were more feline, ending in hybrid of arms and feline legs. They could see claws pop in and out as he flexed his fingers. And from his shoulders, there was eagle wings which had a span easily in excess of 30 feet. With all his shaggy hair, he was naked, but still not showing anything awkward. The most human looking part was the face, although the beard was woven like that of an Egyptian Pharaoh.

"I know him!" said the Manstache.

"You do?" asked SheZow.

"He's the one that almost killed me once," he said nervously, "It was only by sheer luck that I survived and stopped him from destroying Smalltownsville."

"Who is it?"

"He's called... the Menacing Manster! That's not his real name, but his Mesopotamian name is pretty much unpronounceable! He fancies himself the ultimate male and the ultimate evil!"

"And you beat him by luck?"

"Yes, I somehow got an experimental jar of Mr Kevin's Triple Strength Hair Cement. It somehow made me resistant to his man draining powers. But I never found out how I got it, or how it could be reproduced. It took the whole jar to defeat this monster. I don't know if I can do it again."

"Man draining powers?"

"Yes, the more manly his enemies are, the stronger he becomes. While he gains strength, those around him become weaker and less manly. Eventually, they become... chickens."

"They run away and hide?"

"Well no, they _literally_ turn into chickens. He turned almost every man in Smalltownsville into one. Fortunately, the Menacing Manster was defeated within 24 hours, and every victim turned back to normal as well as regaining their... manliness."

"Did super powered women fight him too?"

"Yes."

"How did that turn out?"

"He paid the Mental Midget to hypnotize any woman who got too close."

"Seriously?"

"Yes."

"Well Sheila will tell me if there's anyone else around Menacing Manster."

"That's good. I have to admit I wasn't looking forward to another go'round with him."

"Well this time, you have SheZow on your side! I'd say 'manliness' is not a problem for me at the moment."

"I hope so. It's Megadale that's on the line this time. I normally work alone."

"I would appreciate your help, Manstache. My normal sidekick isn't here right now."

"It would be my honor to help you."

"I taught Kelsey how to act manly," said Gerald quietly to Kelly, "How to be a gentleman. To act like a hero."

"Great," whispered Kelly, "Perhaps you can show Kelsey that you don't hate her too."

"I don't hate her."

"She thinks you do. That she sees it every time you look at her."

"I was angry for a while, sure. It was a devastating blow to lose my chance to be the Manstache. But I'm over that now. I'm just being tough on her for her own good. I should not have to tell Kelsey that I love her. She should know that."

"It's not obvious. You have to tell her."

"Well now isn't a good time. I promise I'll talk to her later and let her know."

"That's all one can ask for."

"To the Shehicle!" shouted SheZow.

...

In the Shehicle, SheZow said as they drove towards the battle, "I know this might be hard for you to hear, but you should hold back. The best strategy is to give him as little manly energy as we can until I weaken him with my SheZow powers."

"You're right, Miss SheZow. I'm not too proud to know when it's time to back off. But it just doesn't feel right. I feel powerless by not using my powers."

"Wait a minute," said SheZow in a flash of insight, "Feelings!"

"What about them?"

"If this Menacing Manster is so manly, then perhaps his weakness is feelings!"

"How can that help?"

"Easy. Inside, you have the mind of a woman, right?"

"Well yes."

"Focus on that. While I battle the Menacing Manster, use the Shehicle's public addess system to tell the Menacing Manster how you feel about all of this!"

"That may well... weaken me as well."

"But I'm betting the farm that _the Menacing Manster will be weakened a lot more than you_!"

"Oh," said Manstache as he understood the plan, "I'll do it."

"So tell me what kind of powers to expect."

"His known powers are superhuman strength, limitless endurance, invulnerability, immunity to a number of environmental extremes such as heat, cold, a wide range of radiation, vacuum, high pressure in both air and water, he doesn't conduct electricity unless it's from his shocking fists, laser vision, glacier feet, tornado breath, super breath holding, and enhanced senses all around. Others have tried using his sense against him by overloading them, but that didn't seem to be effective... and the already mentioned man draining powers."

"That's a lot of powers," noted SheZow, "I'll keep that in mind,"

"I promise I'll step in if you get in trouble."

"Only if the situation is desperate," warned SheZow, "You can't make the situation better by making the Menacing Manster stronger. Just keep that in mind."

"I shall."

...

Menacing Manster glared down upon Megadale and announced in a booming voice, "I know that the Manstache is hiding here! I know that your local hero called SheZow is helping him! Send them forth if you want your city to survive!"

He glared around waiting.

"You have 30 minutes to turn them over before I start leveling skyscrapers!"

Police Helicopters began appearing around him. Police Cars were gathering at the base of the building along with SWAT Vans.

"We've got you cover, monster! Surrender and come along peacefully!" shouted someone over their loudspeaker.

"That's Menacing Manster, you twits!"

He paused for dramatic effect as he glanced around at all of the helicopters. They were shining their spotlights on him. He then glanced down at the police vehicles, and all of the police offers moving to enter the building. "Oh, playthings to pass the time!" replied the Menacing Manster as he rubbed his clawed hands together.

… 27 and a half minutes later …

"Oh dear," mused Menacing Manster, "It seems that I've broken all of my toys again. No wonder it's so hard to keep myself amused in any major city." The ground was littered with broken helicopters and broken vehicles. Guns and shields were imbedded in the walls and trees all around. Helmets were shoved into the ground like potted plants.

"Not so fast, Menacing Manster!" shouted someone familiar.

"What's this?" he asked looking about, "Has some girl come to spend time with me?"

"Not some girl," she replied, "I'm _SheZow_, _Guardian of Megadale_!"

"What?" he asked, feigning insult, "Just you? Where's your legion? Your alliance? The heroic team?"

"It's just me," said SheZow, "I'm all that Megadale needs."

"And where pray tell is that coward, the Manstache? Doesn't he have the nerve to fight?"

"Oh, he's around," she retorted, "but he's not just going to charge in here and fuel your manliness stealing powers."

"Clever," he mused, "but ultimately pointless. He'll surely come in and try to save you once I've beaten you into the pavement."

"I'm not such a pushover!"

"But first, just look around, SheZow," advised Menacing Manstache, "and tell me what's wrong with this picture?"

She looked around and noticed that there were chickens hiding in every nook and cranny that was available.

"What did you do to them?" she asked in shock.

"The police?" he asked, "Nothing. They attacked me and suffered the consequences. In 24 hours, the only thing that they'll be good for is _fried chicken_!" Pausing to look around, he added, "I should really start my own fast food franchise."

"You're sick, evil, and disgusting!"

"Thank you, dear," he answered, "I try my best."

"Well I'm going to try my best to defeat you!"

"Better men than you have tried."

"Like the Manstache?"

"_I've grown more powerful than the last time we've fought_! He beat me on a fluke once!" he snarled back, "_A fluke that will most likely never happen again_! _This time, I'll rip that hair off his lip and make him feel the shame of powerlessness_!"

"Already making excuses?"

"_**Just shut up and fight**_**!**" howled Menacing Manster.

"Someone's a little defensive..."

(Interlude between the first part of the episode and the second! She-yeah!)

Magical Mystery Tour

Episode 4, Part 2

By Neoraichu

"I should have brought the Mental Midget with me," grumbled the Menacing Manster, "Oh wait, I ate him a while ago... Oops."

A focused sound beam struck him from behind.

"What's a matter, Manster?" asked SheZow poking her head around the corner of the stairway block, "Don't you like being serenaded by my She-Scream?"

"It's nagging and annoying _like my ex-wife_!"

"Got that, Sheila?" asked SheZow into the ring.

"Ex-wife," came the reply, "I'll cross check the web and see if I can find her."

"On the other hand, it might not be necessary. I think I have him on the ropes."

"Don't be so sure," said Gerald over the link.

"How so?"

"He likes to play with his prey before he crushes them. By acting hurt, he lulls his enemies into a false sense of security. He likes to see the defeated look on his enemies faces."

"I'm glad that the Manstache has been holding back so far," she replied, "No sense in letting him get a power up from Manstache's manliness."

"This is just the kind of fight he would have normally charged into swinging both... uh... sides of his mustache."

"Well maybe Manstache has... grown up a bit?"

"Maybe," admitted Gerald.

"I'll get back to you when I'm not so busy."

"Very well," said Sheila.

"_Are you done making small talk yet_?!" snarled Menacing Manster, who was now breathing down the back of SheZow's neck hotly, "_That's very rude to make calls while fighting_!"

"Oh, I'm sorry," said SheZow, "We were fighting? I thought we were taking a break."

"_You're insufferable, woman_!"

"Thank you. I try my best."

SheZow moved just in time to avoid getting punched, which left a three foot hole in the roof where she just was.

"Plan to dance around all day, missy?"

"Just long enough to beat you," she replied with some sass.

"Oh SheZow," said a voice trying to sound girlish, "I'm baaaaaack..."

"I thought you were supposed to..." said SheZow, who stopped in mid thought.

"MANSTACHE!" screamed the Menacing Manster, "This is an outrage! What is the meaning of this?!"

"I know not of this Manstache of whom which you are speaking," he said innocently and in a girlish manner, "I am SheZow's new partner, SheBop."

SheZow didn't even know that copies of her outfit were available in Manstache's size, but he look just like a six foot tall man in a SheZow costume. The only difference was the fake that the fake SheZow Ring was on the finger next to the real Manstache Ring. The whole outfit looked ridiculous with the huge waxed mustache.

"Seriously?" asked SheZow.

"I'm going to be sick," said the Manster.

"When was the last time you had those nails looked after?" asked 'SheBop', "They look hideous, darling. I brought the SheBop Manicure set with me!"

"Manicure set?" asked SheZow.

"_Stay away from me, you freak_!" screamed the Manster. He began backing away from 'SheBop' towards the edge of the roof.

"Oh come on," said 'SheBop' as she followed him, "You know you could use a makeover. I mean, running around naked under all that hair is so last Tuesday! I just know you need some special shampoo for that oiliness and split ends, I swear!"

"No!" he screamed, "My man power is being drained away!" He kept backing away as he was retreated closer to the edge of the roof.

"Don't you get it?" asked Sheila.

"Get what?" asked SheZow.

"If the Menacing Manster gets power from draining manliness, he just might be weakened by shows of girlishness. It's the whole reason he hired someone else to battle super-heroines for him."

"Oh..."

"Look," said 'SheBop', "I just know we can be the best of friends if we can just open ourselves up and discuss our feelings, darling."

"_No_!" screamed Manster as he fell over the edge, "_Not my feeeeeeeeeelllllliiiiiinnnnnngsss_..."

"That's gonna leave a mark," said SheZow as she glanced over the edge, "and I have to say, you really have to be comfortable with your manliness if you can dress like that." The last part was directed towards the Manstache/SheBop.

"Oh, I think I learned from the best," he said as he smiled at SheZow.

"Well, the cops might be changing back any minute," she replied, "so you might want to... I don't know... change back or something?"

"Oh all right," he sighed, "Sometimes an image can be such a pain to maintain."

"I know," she sighed, "Just get going."

"I'll be back in a minute or three."

"SheBop," sighed SheZow as he leaped away. She went to the elevator to make her way down to the ground level.

...

When she came out of the lobby, SheZow found a bunch of police as well as the Manstache surrounding the Menacing Manster as he lay in a crater of his own making.

"_I shall now_..." Manster moaned as he raised a shaky arm and pointed a clawed finger into the air, "_PLOT MY REVENGE_! I will get you SheZow and SheBop!"

"SheBop?" asked Boxter, now no longer a chicken.

"He fell on his head from 50 stories up," said SheZow, "Who knows what he's talking about?"

"Good point. And... I want to say, good job... SheZow."

"It pained you to say that, didn't it?"

"Yes," he replied, "Yes it did."

"Thank you."

Oddly, the Menacing Manster began to laugh. He laughed out loud.

"What's so funny?" asked SheZow, "Is getting beat so bad?"

"No," he said, "I'm laughing when I see the looks on your faces when I use my FINAL POWER! The one I've never used before! It will drain every bit of manly power, but the revenge will be well worth it even if I'm never super powered again!"

He raised a clawed hand into the air, and said, "In the name of all that's dark and evil, I damn SheZow and Manstache to the Future! I shall open a portal through Time just for them!" A black and white swirling tornado shaped vortex opened in the air nearby.

"No!" screamed SheZow as she was sucked inside. "I'll protect you, Miss SheZow!" shouted the Manstache as he was sucked in behind.

Spinning and tumbling in the black in white vortex was making SheZow queasy. It was quite disorienting and dizzying as well.

...

Meanwhile, back in the She-Lair with Sheila, Kelly and Gerald.

"Kelly," said Sheila, "There's something wrong. I just lost contact with SheZow."

"Lost contact?" asked Kelly.

"Yes, she just vanished."

"Has anyone else disappeared?"

"As far as I can tell, just the Manstache. The Shehicle is still there."

"This is terrible!" shouted Gerald.

"There's no one left to stop the Menacing Manster!" added Kelly.

"This is no time to panic," said Gerald calmly, "We need a plan for when they return."

...

SheZow landed on something... somewhat soft.

"Wow," she groaned, "So there's more than one way to time travel. Why do I already know its not going to be a bright and shiny future?"

"You're sitting on my chest, miss."

Looking down, she realized that she was in fact sitting on Manstache's chest. Her backside was in fact a few inches from his chin.

"Oh," she said awkwardly as she hopped off him, "My bad."


	5. Chapter 5

A Future Darker

Episode 5, Part 1

By Neoraichu

All Characters are the property of Frederator Studios, and I hope that the Manstache is something I dreamed up myself.

...

SheZow climbed off the Manstache's chest. Looking around, they could tell that it was cloudy, and too dark to be day unless the clouds were truly thousands of feet thick. There also seemed to be no man-made lights within their sight. In fact, they couldn't even see any buildings reasonably close to them.

"Where do you think we are?" asked the Manstache.

"Menacing Manster said he was condemning us to the future."

"Well, that still doesn't tell us where we are," he replied evenly, "It doesn't look anything like the place we just left."

"No," agreed SheZow, "It doesn't. But Sheila should be able to pinpoint our location in a matter of seconds." She raised her ring and spoke into it, saying, "Sheila? Come in Sheila." SheZow paused for a response that did not seem to be coming.

"Could the computer be out of range?"

"I should be able to communicate anywhere on Earth. We were even able to talk to each other across the ocean of time itself... at least while I was in the Shehicle."

"You can time travel?"

"The Shehicle can," she replied, "but I've only had to do it once so far."

"That sounds so cool."

"I know," she replied excitedly.

"Perhaps we should figure out where we are then?" asked Manstache helpfully.

"A good idea."

The two of them looked around for some time.

"Say," observed Manstache, "It looks like there's some kind of ruins in that direction," which was accompanied by helpful pointing.

"Let's check it out," she replied.

As they drew nearer, they figured by the layout of ruins and the broken streets around them that they were in the ruins of a suburban neighborhood. There was no sign of anything that looked like a street sign, even down to the lack of sign posts. Most of the buildings had been reduced to rubble less than 6 inches high, if you didn't count the miscellaneous plants that had grown in the ruins... except for one house. That one was less ruined, having some walls standing waist high on the Manstache, and something even higher towards the middle of the house.

"I think there's something important here," said SheZow, "almost like my SheSP is trying to tell me something. Help me clear away this debris and try to see what's under all of this."

Manstache nodded, and proceeded to use his mustache powers to help move the brick, mortar and wood mess. After an hour or so of hard work, they found something.

"I think it's the entrance to the SheLair," she said.

"Most fortunate," he agreed.

"Lets see if it's still usable."

The two of them approached the Lair's entrance.

...

The SheLair was in ruins. Sheila was smashed almost beyond recognition.

"What a mess," said SheZow, "Who could have done this?"

"Any villain we know could have done this after we... were sent away."

"Most villains I know aren't clever enough to find it... of course, shear dumb luck is another matter entirely. We better check to see if any of this stuff still works."

The two of them split up and searched, but in vain. They were close to giving up when the Manstache said, "Hey, there's an envelope hidden in the back of the remains of Sheila."

"Bring it here, and we'll read it. It's probably meant for us anyways."

He opened the letter, and noted, "This paper is really fragile and yellow. It must have been hidden her for perhaps a couple of decades. The message is hand written, and in a style that I'm not familiar with."

"Let me see it," SheZow replied, "If it's Kelly's handwriting, I can decipher it." Looking at the note, she said, "Definitely Kelly's handwriting. It says..."

Dear SheZow and/or Manstache,

If you are reading this, it is most likely that Gerald, Maz and I are no more. The battle for Megadale and the Earth itself is not going well. Dark Snide-R is proving too powerful to battle without you. In spite of our best efforts, as well as the military, the police, and the other superheroes in the world, the villain is winning. It seemed that the villain was waiting in the shadows, ready to strike when the Menacing Manster used the last of his dark man powers to send you both away. He turned to dust and blew away after performing this last act of spite.

Sheila was hacked shortly thereafter by either by the new villain, or some goon in their employ. This led to the destruction of the Shehicle, and any chance of using it to search Time and Space for the two of you.

We have created a new She-weapon from the remains of the Shehicle and the SheLair. Since what we really had to work with was mainly plans for Russian gunship helicopters, the new vehicle has been christened the She-Hind.

Since its power is derived from that of the SheZow Ring, we can not run it without you. The exception is Sheila 2 . 0 . 3 . 6., which we deliberately designed to be completely incompatible with the original Sheila (in the hopes that it cannot be hacked like the first). We were hoping you would have come back much sooner to aid in the battle for the world. It seems we shall all too soon be under the iron heel of Dark Snide-R or dead.

There wasn't time to write a manual for the She-Hind, and it seems you probably would not read it even if we had. So there's a few help files that have been built into Sheila 2 . 0 . 3 . 6. These files are password protected, in case someone finds it with a stolen SheZow Ring. The password is ten letters, and related to how you and Manstache first worked together.

The She-Hind is hidden in a place which can only be reached with the SheZow Ring. We hope that you have it with you even if something should have happened to SheZow and her alter ego, though I pray with all my heart that they are okay.

Love, Kelly

"Oh Kelly!" choked SheZow as she read the letter, "Maz!"

"Oh Gerald," said Manstache, "I miss you, big brother. I wish you could have loved me as much as I loved you."

"_Dark Snide-R_?" asked SheZow, "Is that one of your villains?"

"Never heard of them," he replied, "I take it they're not one of yours?"

"That's right. Has there been some Mastermind behind the scenes the whole time, setting us up for just that moment like when we beat the Menacing Manster?"

"That seems quite likely at this point."

"Our only chance is to find where Kelly and Gerald hid the She-Hind, use it to take care of Dark Snide-R, and then go back to the past to prevent them from rising to power in the first place. But I'm not sure what Kelly is talking about in the password."

"We battled together first in Downtown Megadale, but neither word is ten letters."

"Wait," she replied, "We battled against _MegaMonkey_ and his mega-monkey minions. _MegaMonkey_ has TEN LETTERS. I'm almost positive that that must be it."

"Something not obvious to anyone who doesn't fully know our past with each other."

"Now if I were going to hide a She-Hind, it would have to be somewhere fairly large and inconspicuous."

"I'd suggest looking in abandoned warehouses... but that's so cliché."

"But then Kelly and Gerald would hide it in a place that _WE_ could find. I don't think our siblings give us much credit in the genius department."

"No, I suppose they don't."

"When I first tested my SheZow Powers, it was in a group of abandoned warehouses and factories. Kelly would figure I'd look in places that we've already been."

"I suppose Gerald would think along the same lines."

"It's gonna take a while to get there on foot," she mused.

"Not true," replied the Manstache, "I've never depended on a vehicle to get around. It also gets around the whole 'need a driver's license' thing."

"Weird, but I don't think a cop has ever asked to see SheZow's Driver's License. I guess they just assume I'm old enough and certified to drive as a Superhero."

"Smalltownsville must be stricter than Megadale."

"I guess," SheZow replied with a shrug, "Must have a lot more people to deal with."

Manstache shrugged as well.

(Interlude between the first part of the episode and the second! She-yeah!)

She-Hind the Scenes

Episode 5, Part 2

By Neoraichu

SheZow felt awkward having her new more girly body (with the mind and soul of Guy) being carried in the arms of the now more manly Manstache. Being a gentleman (with the soul and mind of Kelsey), he carried her sideways with one arm on her back just under the armpits, and the other holding her legs bent more than 90 degrees under the knee pits.

They were traveling under mustache power, but SheZow couldn't help but feel that his leaps were toned down to be easier on her. She could tell that he wasn't exerting himself very hard, as her ear pressed against his chest could clearly hear his slow, strong heartbeat. It was so comforting, almost like listening to the heartbeat of a mother while the baby is in the womb.

If she wasn't actively guiding Manstache about where to go, she might have drifted off to sleep in those big, strong, yet oddly comforting arms. Even the breeze, which caused her hair to trail behind them, was a cool comfort. But they were heading for the outskirts of Megadale, and there was just not enough time to 'slack off', as Gerald might say.

"There's ruins ahead," he said calmly, "and they look large enough to be warehouses and factories. Are we close?"

"Without the Shehicle and the ShePS, I have to guess, but I'd say we're close."

"Those building are to flattened to hide anything."

"Yeah, but our siblings are... were clever. The enemy wouldn't bother looking there either, if they were trying to find it. We have to look for signs of an underground structure, like an elevator shaft or something."

"I see," agreed the Manstache.

"Wait, there's people up ahead," noted SheZow, "and there's something wrong with them."

"We better sneak in on foot from here."

"No, not we," she replied, "Me. I have Vanishing Cream with Aloe. What they can't see won't bother them."

"Alright," he relented, "but promise to be careful. Promise you'll call for me if you need me." He sounded so concerned. So sincere.

"I promise," she said back, "No heroics."

He nodded as he landed, and then he let her down onto the ground. She took out the Vanishing Cream and disappeared in a mess of white goo.

"Oh," he mused, "That looks so... awkward."

"Say what?" said the now vanished SheZow.

"Oh it's nothing," he mused, "I hope that's not greasy or anything." Was the Manstache blushing?

"Of course not. I have to move around like this. What ever are you thin... _OH_!.. Uh... Never mind then... _I have to get going now_..."

"Good luck, Miss."

"Please... just call me SheZow."

"Good luck, SheZow."

"Thanks."

Now Invisible, SheZow crept ahead to see what the deal was with the men they observed. The men were moving oddly, and unnaturally. It almost seemed like they had almost no motor control skills. They didn't look healthy either. In fact, they looked like... 'ZOMBIES!' though SheZow, 'Who could have done this?'

"_Damn it_!" swore someone oddly familiar, "_What is taking you brain-dead creeps so long_?! _Why did I let Dark Snide-R saddle me with you useless jerks_?!" They walked in from the other side of the crowd from around a collapsed wall still large enough to hide them. While older... much older... SheZow new it could only be... '_**SHEZAP**_**?!**' Yes, even after all the years that passed, she still wore the same costume (or more accurately, her 'anti-costume'. SheZap was the dark version of SheZow, after all).

Then suddenly, SheZap stopped. 'I hope its not her own SheSP,' thought SheZow. She looked around very intently, and then announced, "There's someone spying on us that I can't see! Flail around and grab anything you bump into if you can't see it!.. You brainless thugs should be good at at least that much... What or whoever it is, _bring them TO ME_!"

It was almost funny to dance around the Zombies, keeping out of their reach. It was like a game of pin the tail on the donkey, except the 'donkey' was a moving target. But while circling around one Zombie, she backed into another. When it grabbed her and pinned her arms, it seemed obvious that the Zombie's strength more than made up for their lack of grace and coordination.

SheZap pointed at the Zombie holding 'nothing', and said "Bring them to me! It's almost too much to hope that that coward SheZow is still around... _so I can DESTORY her_!"

SheZow gulped. She stomped on the Zombie's foot, but to no effect. 'I forgot,' she thought, 'Zombies don't feel pain, do they?'

SheZap reached behind a rock and lifted a bucket. "Well, if it's who I hope it is, then this should show them!" She splashed the Zombie and indirectly SheZow with a bucket of... well... let's just call it _waste water_?

SheZow spluttered as the Vanishing Cream washed off, "Oh! That's so gross!"

"After all these years," SheZap sighed, "_I get to destroy YOU_! I swore to Dark Snide-R that it would be _ME_ who gets to _ELIMINATE_ you once and for all!"

"I never took you for the patient type," said SheZow with a smirk.

"Wait a minute," said SheZap, "When the hell did you get _TITS_?! You're stacked more than even Tara was!"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" she replied with a laugh.

"You won't be laughing it up when I skewer your goody goody heart with my laser lipstick!"

SheZow gulped again, and said weakly, "What about your..."

"Zombie?! Hah, I doubt the brainless husk will even feel a thing!"

SheZow took a gamble. A huge gamble. "_SHE-HIND_!" she screamed at the top of her lungs, "_COME TO ME NOW_! _AUTHORIZATION MEGAMONKEY_!"

"No one's going to save your sorry be-" said SheZap before she was cut off by the shaking of the ground all around them.

The ground split under SheZow as massive doors opened upwards, throwing her and the Zombie back into the remains of a wall. Into the air arose the pinkest helicopter gunship that SheZow had ever seen in her life.

In a voice almost identical to Sheila, it announced, "_**ALPHA PRIORITY**_**!** Defend SheZow!" It deployed a number of She-weapons that boggled even the mind of SheZow herself, and she had seen plenty of 'GI Moe' action figures and combat vehicle toys to know ridiculously over armed when she saw it. "One hostile life sign detected! Other animate forms non-living! Setting priority to _**Anti-Material Mode**_**!**"

They was a deafening blaze of Shehineguns and Shehine Cannons. All Zombies but the one holding her were turned in a fine mulch in short order. SheZow wondered if SheZap was soiling herself at this point, as retreat was obviously on their mind.

"Damn you, SheZow!" came the curse, "I'll destroy you and your She-Hind as soon as I can get better reinforcements!"

"Requesting permission to destroy fleeing opponent," said She-Hind.

"Denied!"

"Accepted."

Just then, the arms holding her were ripped away. She looked around to see that the Manstache had used his mustache might to tear the Zombie apart.

"Goodness," he said, "You have all the best toys, don't you?"

"I sure do. She-Hind, park and let us in."

"Affirmative," replied the copter as it settled down and opened it's cargo door.


	6. Chapter 6

She-Hind Sight

Episode 6, Part 1

By Neoraichu

All Characters are the property of Frederator Studios, and I hope that the Manstache is something I dreamed up myself.

...

SheZow was now in command of her new super-vehicle, the She-Hind. And now that SheZap was gone and her Zombie minions destroyed, she had some time to aquatint herself with it. The Manstache just happened to be there, too.

While SheZow was in the main pilot's seat, Manstache was in the co-pilot's seat. Both seats were rather nice bucket seats covered in rich Corinthian Leather, but with a fine cloth lining down the middle of the back and on the seats.

"Sheila 2. 0. 3. 6.?" she asked.

"_Please call me Sheila. Ready to receive commands_," replied the computer.

"Show me the Help Files for your operation and systems."

"_State or enter Password_."

Since SheZow a little lazy to type, she simply stated, "Megamonkey."

"_Password accepted. Beginning Help File access_."

"Hmm," she mused, "Where to begin... Ah, give me the help file for weapons systems!"

"_Affirmative_," she replied.

When SheZow read the weapons file, she was practically slack-jaw impressed. While looking over her shoulder, the Manstache was impressed as well.

"I guess Kelly and Gerald weren't messing around with this," she said quietly.

_Shehineguns_: Available in two pods of six .50 caliber fully automatic guns. Ammo Capacity: 1,000 rounds per Ammunition Type. Pods have a fixed (forward) firing position (one pod on the right wing and one pod on the left wing). Ammunition selectable in Armor Piercing (AP), Armor Piercing Explosive (APEx), Armor Piercing Incendiary (API), Dum Dum/Full Metal Jacket (DD), Explosive (Ex), Frangable (Fr), Incendiary (In), Ironwood (Iw), Rubber (Rb), Silent Subsonic (SS), Silent Subsonic Tracer (SST), Silver (Ag), and Tracer (Tr). Ammunition may be fired by type, or in prearranged belts. Present prearranged ammo belts include:

Anti-Armor Belt: _AP-APEx-API-APEx-API-Tr_

Anti-Material Belt: _AP-APEx-API-Ex-In-Tr-Ex-In_

Anti-Personnel/Less than Lethal Belt: _Rb-Rb-Rb_

Anti-Personnel/Lethal Belt: _AP-DD-Tr-DD-DD-Ex_

Anti-Supernatural Belt: _DD-Ag-Iw-In-Tr_

Safety Belt: _Fr-Fr-Fr_

Stealth Belt (requires Silenced Gun Configuration): _SS-SS-SS_

Stealth Belt for Night Fire (requires Silenced Gun Configuration):_ SS-SS-SST_

_Sheatling Mini-Guns_: Available in one pod of two .30 caliber fully automatic Gatling guns. Ammo Capacity: 10,000 rounds per Ammunition Type. Pod have a fixed (forward) firing position (under the center fuselage). Ammunition selectable in Armor Piercing (AP), Armor Piercing Explosive (APEx), Armor Piercing Incendiary (API), Dum Dum/Full Metal Jacket (DD), Explosive (Ex), Frangable (Fr), Incendiary (In), Ironwood (Iw), Silver (Ag), and Tracer (Tr). Ammunition may be fired by type, or in prearranged belts. Present prearranged ammo belts include:

Anti-Personnel/Lethal Belt: _AP-DD-Tr-DD-DD-Ex_

Anti-Supernatural Belt: _DD-Ag-Iw-In-Tr_

Safety Belt: _Fr-Fr-Fr_

_Shehine Cannons_: Available in two pods of two 20 mm Shehine Cannon, one 30 mm Shehine Cannon, and one 50 mm Shehine Cannon, all fully automatic. Ammo Capacity: 250 rounds per Ammunition Type per cannon caliber. Pods have a fixed (forward) firing position (one pod on the right wing and one pod on the left wing). Ammunition selectable in Armor Piercing Explosive (APEx), Armor Piercing Incendiary (API), Explosive (Ex), Explosive Fragmentation (ExFrag), Explosive Incendiary (ExIn). Ammunition may be fired by type, or in prearranged belts. Present prearranged ammo belts include:

Anti-Aircraft Belt: _APEx-API-API-ExIn_

Anti-Armor Belt: _APEx-API-APEx-API_

Anti-Material Belt: _APEx-Ex-ExFrag-ExIn_

Anti-Personnel Belt: _ExFrag-ExFrag-ExIn_

_Sherail Cannons_: Available in two pods of one 20 mm Sherail Cannon. Ammo Capacity: 500 rounds per pod. Pods have a fixed (forward) firing position (one pod on the right wing and one pod on the left wing). Ammunition consists of one type: Titanium steel casing with lead core filler and Shetonium Armor Piercing core. Nominal firing speed is Mach 25. Firing these Cannons requires 80% output from the She-Hind's main power reactor.

_Sheguided Missile Batteries_: Available in two pods. Ammo Capacity: 25 rockets per pod i Array. Pods have a fixed (forward) firing position (one pod on the right wing and one pod on the left wing). All missiles have the option of using Heat Seeking, Radar Guided and Laser Guided Aiming Protocols. Standard load consists of 5 Anti-Armor Missiles, 5 Anti-Aircraft Missiles, 5 Anti-Missile Missiles, 5 Tactical Nuclear Missiles, and 5 Full Spectrum Decoy Missiles per pod.

_Laser Sheguided Bombs_: Available in one bomb bay. Ammo Capacity: 8 Bombs of the 500 kilogram variety. Pods have a fixed dropping position (in the main fuselage). All bombs use the Laser Guided Aiming Protocols. Standard load consists of 2 High-Explosive Bombs, 2 Napalm Incendiary Bombs, 2 Anti-Bunker/Anti-Runway Bombs, and 2 Anti-Personnel Cluster Bombs.

_SheLaser Cannon in Intense Infra-Pink_: One pod of two lasers. Ammo Capacity: Limitless. Pod has a fixed (forward) firing position (under the main fuselage). Can be fire continuously, or pulsed at a rate from 6 to 120 pulses per second. Effective Range: 1,000 miles for combat, 1,000,000 miles for targeting.

"Infra-Pink?" asked the Manstache.

"Don't ask me," she replied, "The ones who could tell us are no longer with us."

"Just reading all that is making my head swim."

"I know."

"And this is just the first file."

"I know."

"Perhaps we should move before we continue," noted the Manstache, "That super villainess..."

"_SheZap_," offered SheZow, "and he's really a dude in drag like I was."

"Uh, SheZap, promised to return with reinforcements to destroy us, and if she has Zombies, who knows what other horrors she might bring with her this time."

"Good point."

"My sensors can detect almost any threat," offered Sheila.

"But it's better to be sorry than safe," observed SheZow.

"Isn't it supposed to be 'Better safe than sorry'?" noted the Manstache.

"Manstache is correct," chimed in Sheila.

"Everyone's a critic," moaned SheZow.

"I have a full autopilot, and pre-programmed for hundreds of destinations around the world."

"I don't suppose you have another secret hangar to go to?"

"Negative, but I do have access to a number of secret military bases which would suit your purposes, Miss SheZow."

"What's the closest currently unmanned base?"

"Area 51.1 in Nevada."

"Where in Nevada is that?"

"The base location is secret."

"But you know where it is?"

"Affirmative."

"Never mind. Set a course for Area 51.1, and don't spare the horses."

"Horses?"

"Uh..." she replied awkwardly, "Oh, just start flying already."

"Affirmative."

(Interlude between the first part of the episode and the second! She-yeah!)

The (Last) Stand (in Vegas)

Episode 6, Part 2

By Neoraichu

SheZow read the terrain and map displays as they flew, and noted, "We'll be passing within 10 miles of the Las Vegas City Limits."

"Is that important?" asked Manstache.

"_Negative_," replied Sheila, "_Even if by some chance, the airports are still running their Radar Arrays, the She-Hind is all but invisible to such detection_."

"Then steady as she goes, Sheila."

"_Affirmative_."

Moments passed by in silence.

"So," asked Manstache awkwardly, "What are you thinking about?"

"It's odd," she replied, "but now that I have cleavage, it just doesn't seem like the big deal I thought it would be."

"Really?"

"No, not really," SheZow answered, "I'm thinking about how much I miss Maz and Kelly. I wonder just who this Dark Snide-R is, and where they came from."

"Then why the first answer?"

"I don't know, it just seemed like something Kelly would expect me to say."

"Well I'm really Kelsey," answered the Manstache, "So you don't have to answer the way Kelly would expect. I don't want to treat you the way I think Gerald would want me to."

"You're right."

"What I didn't think I would say..."

"Uh-huh?"

"It's just that..."

"This is something chic awkward, right?"

"Yes..."

"Just spit it out like the dude you look like."

"Okay, I think I love you!"

"Wow," admitted SheZow, "I didn't see that one coming."

"_Shemergency! Shemergency!_" interrupted Sheila, "_Dark Snide-R Attack Drone detected! Range 10 miles and closing. Intent: Hostile. Recommended course of action: Extermination._"

"Hey Sheila," asked SheZow, "Just where do you reload?"

"_Unnecessary_," she replied, "_I self-manufacture ammo as necessary. I have 3 months and 2.7 days of raw materials for this purpose_. _All it takes is an hour of downtime to reload all weapons systems_."

"Then feel free to go to town on these clowns."

"_Affirmative_," replied Sheila, "_Slang dictionary indicates that '__go to town__' is alluding to the execution of directives at my own discretion_."

"That's what I said."

"_Deploying, arming and firing Anti-Aircraft Missiles and Shelaser Cannons in pulse mode_."

"Well this is boring," mused SheZow over the whoosh of firing missiles, "I wonder what I should be doing to help?"

"_Incoming radio communication request_," noted Sheila, "_Allow access?_"

"Who's it from?"

"_Unknown_."

"Are you in any way vulnerable to radio signals?"

"_Negative_."

"Then put it on screen."

An albino figure dressed in a black jumpsuit wrapped in a gloss black cloak appeared on the screen. His eyes were both red and they appeared to softly glow red. Other than a fangy grin, they had great white teeth. The eyebrows were unusually bushy, but not a unibrow.

"_**So it seems the great and powerful SheZow has arrived from the past**_," smirked the figure with a gender neutral, yet evil voice.

"Dark Snide-R, I take it?"

"_**That is correct.**_"

"I owe you," replied SheZow and the Manstache as one.

"_**Oh, you mean for Gerald, Kelly and Maz?**_"

"Yes," they answered as one once more.

"_**Don't you care how I know them?**_"

"No," replied the Manstache, "I only care that you pay for their deaths!"

"_**Deaths?**_" he mused aloud, "_**Why do you assume they're dead?**_"

"Are you saying they aren't?" asked SheZow.

"_**Of course not, silly girl. They are my honored guest at my Las Vegas estate,**_" he replied, "_**Ah, you're probably thinking '**__**He's a world crushing villain. It's obviously a trap**__**'**_."

"Something like that," replied the Manstache.

He turned aside and called, "_**Gerald, Kelly, Maz? Why don't you come here and tell your collective friends and siblings that the reports of you demise were greatly exaggerated!**_"

The camera turned to show beings who certainly looked like Gerald, Kelly and Maz, except...

"Hey Maz," called SheZow, "What's with the goofy black getup?"

"_I am no longer Maz_," he replied, "_I am Moderately Gray Snark-R_."

"_**Oh yes**_," replied Dark Snide-R, "_**Your friend Maz has been quite the apprentice over the years. He's almost like the son I never had.**_"

"Kelly?" asked SheZow anxiously, "Has he been treating you well?"

"He's not as bad as he sounds," she replied, "The only reason there was violence is because we attacked him first."

"But didn't he hack and destroy Sheila? Didn't he take out the Shehicle?"

"_**Why don't I bring them to a meeting place of your choosing so you can see just how well they are doing for yourself?**_"

"I need to close this channel for a few minutes so my ally and I can talk about it."

"_**Very well, I await your return call.**_"

The screen went dark as the channel closed.

"Smug little bastard, isn't he?" quipped SheZow.

"Indeed."


	7. Chapter 7

Talking out my She-Hind

Episode 7, Part 1

By Neoraichu

All Characters are the property of Frederator Studios, and I hope that the Manstache is something I dreamed up myself.

...

SheZow looked over at Manstache. "Hmm," she mused, "This Dark Snide-R did give us an invitation to come and see him."

"A trap, I'm sure," he replied.

"I know," she replied, "but if there's any chance that it's really Kelly, Gerald and Maz that are with him as his... 'guests',.. then we simply have to find out the truth of the matter."

"I know," he answered, "It's not so cut and dry being a hero, is it?"

SheZow nodded. "Even if it is a trap," she answered, "I guess I'm glad that you're going to be with me at my side."

"Thank you," he replied, "I'm glad you're with me too."

"So we just need to call him back with our answer," she said evenly.

He nodded as SheZow picked up the radio mic. "Sheila," she ordered, "Restore the radio link with Dark Snide-R."

"_Understood_," replied Sheila.

The image of Dark Snide-R reappeared on the screen. "_**I take it that you're calling to accept my generous offer then?**_"

"Of course," she replied, "And I'm sure you already know exactly why."

"_**Of course**_," he mused, "_**To see if these are truly your friends. To see if I've been treating them well. To see if you can discover my secret past and use it to somehow defeat me back in the past. To see if you can 'set history right'.**_"

"And you're going to use our friends as negotiating chits to see if you can 'convert' us to your cause in the present, or destroy us if we aren't willing to serve you," answered SheZow, "I'm sure you've had years to study our backgrounds and try to fathom our weaknesses so you can try and use them against us."

"_**Well as long as there's no misunderstanding**_," he smirked, "_**Then I'll just send the coordinates of my landing pad to you so you can land most efficiently. I promise there will be no surprise attacks, but if you should initiate violence...**_"

"I promise pretty much the same," interrupted SheZow, "so there's no point in continuing this line of banter."

"_**Your friends and I shall be waiting for you at the helipad**_," he replied before cutting off the signal.

"You have a plan?" asked the Manstache.

"Not until I know what's really going on," she replied, "but I am instructing Sheila to self-destruct if that's what it takes to keep her out of Dark Snide-R's hands. You got that, didn't you Sheila?"

"_Affirmative_."

Even though it was day, the lights of Vegas still shone brightly. It seemed that every casino was open for business, and it wasn't the post apocalyptic landscape that SheZow was half expecting. People appeared to be well dressed and well fed as they moved from their cars to the casinos and back. Many of them were decked out with their shiny bling as well, both with the men and women. In spite of the desert sun, the women wore skimpy and revealing clothes, and many of them were rather shapely, almost in an unnatural sort of way. It seemed like everyone had access to plastic surgery, or were genetically bred for such traits. They could not tell without more extensive information.

But soon, the landing pad came into view. The estate it was part of was most obviously the largest, grandest, and most opulent estate in all of Vegas. It oozed of expensive materials like gold, silver, ivory and jade. There was a microwave tower, a radio tower, and some other things that could not be identified right away. Of course, Sheila would well know, but they were too wrapped up in the scene to ask her.

"_Shall I land us?_" asked Sheila.

"Please do," answered SheZow.

As they maneuvered to land, they saw Dark Snide-R standing before the older looking Kelly, Gerald and Maz. He was standing tall, straight, and with a rather smug looking grin on his face. It almost looked like he knew he had won before the exchange had even begun, or perhaps it was the kind of look that said '_I know something you don't, and I plan to use this to the greatest possible effect_.'

Kelly was wearing a daring bright red two piece bikini that SheZow (or Guy) had never seen her in before. A much more modest one piece was more of Kelly's style, so she had to wonder if Kelly had truly changed over the years. Her hair, while streaked with gray, was longer and she wore it fully loose. Judging by the size of her top, her breasts were most like enhanced at some time. Her caboose also seemed to be a bit larger than Guy remembered.

Gerald was dressed in a black tailed suit and pants that made him look like Dark Snide-R's butler. The white shirt, most likely silk, was also offset by a black bow tie. They could see the shine of the black leather shoes from under his pants legs. Around his waist was a black cumber-bun that made his waist look slimmer. His face looked different as well, but only because he was wearing a jet black pair of Foster Grants. A pair of very clean, very shiny white gloves covered his hands as well.

Maz was still wearing his all gray-black suit with the stocking cap and black shaded goggles just above his eyes.

The She-Hind landed quietly as SheZow and the Manstache moved to the side hatch. "Okay Sheila," she commanded, "Open the door and let us out. Be wary. I am allowing you to act under your own discretion."

"_Affirmative_."

(Interlude between the first part of the episode and the second! She-yeah!)

The Reunion

Episode 7, Part 2

By Neoraichu

SheZow stepped from the She-Hind with Manstache right behind her.

"We're here," she said, "Send over our siblings and friends."

He looked back, and Kelly and Gerald stepped around him. "_**Apprentice?**_" he asked.

"Two's company and three's a crowd," he answered, "I want to give the family time to reunite before I step in myself."

"_**How thoughtful,**_" he answered, then looking back, "_**I hope you know that was not rehearsed in any way. His response was entirely natural.**_"

"Oh, I'll take your word for the moment," SheZow replied.

Kelly approached SheZow quicker than Gerald approached the Manstache, so she wasn't surprised when Kelly hugged her first. What took her off guard was the fact Kelly said nothing, and then just gave her a full kiss right on the lips as she wrapped her arms about SheZow and pinned her arms to her sides in the process. Kelly was desperately trying to slip in some tongue as well, but SheZow was resisting.

In the corner of her eye, she could see Gerald doing almost the exact same thing to the Manstache. He seemed to be taken aback by the sudden turn of events even more than she had.

But after the shock had worn off, it was a simple matter to use her exceptional strength to push Kelly away from here, even though it seemed Kelly's strength had also grown over the passing years. Kelly's eyes were wide open, and her pupils were fully dilated in spite of the desert sun overhead.

"KELLY!" she cried, "What's gotten into you?!"

"I'm sorry," choked Kelly, "but it's been so many years since I've last seen you! I had no idea when you were! You worried me so much!"

"_But a French kiss?!_"

"I don't know exactly why, but just seeing you overwhelmed me with feelings of love and longing for my baby brother!"

"Did Dark Snide-R put you up to this?"

"Of course not," sniffed Kelly, "I would think you'd know me better."

"Well the Kelly I knew would certainly never have French kissed me."

"Then I guess I have changed _some_ since you've been gone," sighed Kelly.

She then turned to Dark Snide-R and said, "So you mind explaining what SheZap was doing around the ruins of Megadale with a bunch of Zombie workers?"

"_**Well**_," he sighed, "_**The world hasn't exactly been a picnic since you were removed from the place, SheZow. Wars erupted around the globe, natural disasters killed tens of millions, plagues killed hundreds of millions more, and famine killed hundreds of millions more on top of that. I've been doing my best to save as many lives as I possibly could.**_"

"In exchange for accepting your leadership?"

"_**Well, the world was in need of order. I swear I've been a 'benevolent dictator'**_," he said with air quotes, "_**and I promise that once Humanity has been pulled back from the brink of extinction, they'll be free to run their lives as they see fit.**_"

"So you claim you had no hand in bringing this about?"

"_**I swear I have no knowledge of doing any such thing**_," he said smoothly, "_**but I'm sure you've been around. I have plenty of food and drink to share while you talk with your old friends.**_"

"You still haven't explained SheZap and the Zombies," said SheZow warily, "SheZap would never do anything for the benefit of mankind."

"_**Oh, I just send them out to look for 'cultural artifacts'**_," he replied, "_**Of course, SheZap thinks she looking for some lost Doomsday Device for me. I let them think I'm out to take over the rest of the world so SheZap will have their own corner of the world to rule. I'm also keeping a few other villains under my thumb by giving them deceitfully trivial tasks. It keeps them out of trouble.**_"

"So why did Kelly and Gerald claim you were waging war and taking over when they left their note?"

"_**Oh, it's just a perspective problem. My forces and I appeared in the midst of a world war, and some people just assume I caused it. I was just intervening to end the war and end world suffering. The world was just too chaotic to restore its order without some form of force, and I assure you that the casualties... were minimal.**_"

"Well, I hope you don't mind if I take some time to have some private conversations with my sister here and my best friend?"

"_**Of course I understand**_," he replied, "_**and I'm sure Manstache would like some private time with Gerald too. After dinner, I'll set you up with private rooms. You'll get all the private time together you could want. When you hear their heartfelt stories, I'm sure you'll see that I'm pretty much the good guy trying to save humanity here.**_"

"Are you sure you can spare me, your Lordship?" asked Maz anxiously.

"_**There is no pressing need for your services, my friend. I want you to feel at ease around your old friends. Take as much time as you need. I promise there will be no **__**interruptions.**_"

So Kelly led SheZow by the hand to the buffet hall. There was easily hundreds of people eating there, and no one seemed to be going hungry. The room was organized into groups of picnic-style table which could each easily sit 20 people. Buffet table were set up so that a dozen people could use each one at a time, and they were divided into groups: Two for just meat dishes, two for mixed meat and vegetable dishes, two for vegetables, two for pasta and mixed pasta dishes, two for breads, two for sauces and condiments, and two for desserts. There was also a freezer table for ice cream (a dozen flavors and mixtures), a soft serve ice cream machine, and a separate table for cones, candy toppings and chopped nuts. There were also two large grills served by four professional grill masters to make steak, burgers, a variety of hot dogs and sausages, and what ever else needed that open flamed flavor. The raw meat was kept in a large cooler. There was even a fully stocked Mongolian Barbeque to make whatever combinations of meat, vegetables and seasonings that one would desire. And to top it all off, there was a drink bar with almost every conceivable variety of soda and alcohol, and three full time bartenders to mix and serve drinks.

"I guess Dark Snide-R knows how to throw a dinner party," mused SheZow.

"This is only the tip of the benevolent iceberg," sighed Kelly.

'But is what's below the water line pretty, or just... pretty ugly?'


	8. Chapter 8

The French (Kiss) Connection

Episode 8, Part 1

By Neoraichu

All Characters are the property of Frederator Studios, and I hope that the Manstache is something I dreamed up myself.

...

At the dinner buffet, SheZow, Kelly, Maz, Gerald and the Manstache all managed to eat something that was appealing to them. Given the wide variety of food and drink available there, it was almost impossible not to. If not for the unusual circumstances of their visit, she might have surrendered to the urge to completely pig out like she might have back in her own time and space.

Kelly seemed to cling to SheZow the whole time, almost spending more than half of the time actually hanging off her arm. She was either quiet (which was off kilter in and of itself), or was trying to say something without being able to find the words (which was also odd given the nature of Kelly as SheZow had remembered her).

Maz was following at more of a distance. He hadn't attempted to touch or speak to SheZow even once. It seemed as if Maz were somehow more cold and distant. He didn't even seem to acknowledge that she and the Manstache had even been missing for decades. It felt more like he was a disinterested observer than a person who was once his best friend in the world.

But SheZow was more interested in making small talk with the people in the buffet lines. She figured if she asked enough people, she would find someone who had a beef or question about their benevolent Dark Snide-R. But most of the responses to the question of how they were doing were answered like:

A young African-American man: "_Our savior? He's the best. If it weren't for him, I'd surely be vulture food by now. He took me in without question or demand, and I've been living here ever since. Oh, I've done a few small jobs around here to make myself useful, but there was no pressure to do anything for him_."

A middle-aged Hispanic woman: "_Me? Before he saved me, I was a two-bit hooker. I had sex with anyone or anything just for another meal. My soul was dead on the inside. I've tried to kill myself more than once. But once I was brought here and saved, I haven't had to turn a trick even once. I have self-esteem again. My soul grew back as my body healed from malnourishment and abuse at the hands of the men I had to please for a meager meal_."

A very old Caucasian woman: "_I was a slave to my own grandchildren. They treated my like dirt. I was tortured just for fun. I think they may well have murdered their own parents just because they could. But the savior found me and took me away from them. I begged him to punish them, but all he would say was it '__wasn't his place to judge others, just save the ones he could save__'. He's so kind. So generous. I've found new godchildren to help take care of here. I feel useful. They love me for just being there with them_."

But in spite of all of the 'free food', there was very few obese people. Everyone seemed to be healthy and active. It totally seemed to contradict the circumstances of their existence. She knew there was a reason Gluttony was classified as one of the Deadly Sins. But no one there seemed to want for anything. No payment was ever asked for from any one. No limit was set on the amount or type of food one could eat. There was no complaints about lines, even to the point that SheZow could not see any disrespectful behavior like cutting in line, pushiness or even prejudice.

As the evening wore on, SheZow got the feeling that Kelly was trying to pull her aside. That she was looking for a place more private. As the evening turned into night, she decided there was one way to get some private time with her sister and not make it look too obvious. "Hey sis," she said, "Why don't you show me your room? If we're going to be here a while, I should see what sort of accommodations we can look forward to, right? You don't mind if we hold off our reunion til tomorrow, do you Maz?" Kelly nodded enthusiastically at the suggestion. Maz just nodded without energy or feeling.

He glanced over and noticed that the Manstache was basically making the same suggestion to Gerald, who likewise appeared to be inclined to agree.

So Kelly quietly led SheZow away from the buffet hall. It hardly seemed like a walk of a mile before she led them to an apartment. They had passed by a hundred such dwellings along the way. As they walked away from the masses, SheZow changed back to the body of Kelsey Boxer, which now seemed to be her new 'normal' body.

She put her hand over a glass plate, and the door opened for her. Taking Guy by the hand, she led him inside. The door automatically closed behind them.

"I have the feeling you've been trying to tell me something all..." she began.

"Bath first," interrupted Kelly, "Cleanliness is a virtue." She all but dragged Guy to the generously large bathroom. The was a bathtub with room for three plus a large shower stall. There was even a separate changing room just outside.

"Strip brother," she commanded, "I'll wash your clothes while you're bathing. Then I'll wait for you in the living room."

"Strip in front of you? Right here? Right now?"

"Well you aren't going to bathe in your clothes, are you?"

"Uh... no."

"Could you at least turn around?"

"Oh very well," she sighed as she turned on her heel. With Kelly's back to her, she felt more comfortable about disrobing. She was paying close attention to Kelly, who did not try to peek or otherwise see. It seemed that the French kiss she received when the two reunited was not some sort of acquired sexual preference after all, so she still had no idea what brought it on.

So she grabbed a towel, opened the sliding door to the bath area, and just before she closed it, said to Kelly, "The clothing is piled on the hamper. It's been a while since I've bathed, so it might take a while. If you get tired, feel free to go to bed."

"No," said Kelly, "I promise I'll wait for you in the living room."

Guy closed the sliding door behind her. It was the first time that Guy had seen Kelsey's body, which was now his body, fully naked. Just like the Kelly she remembered, this body was just beginning to bloom. Her breasts were just large enough to warrant the bra she had removed back in the other room. She was just showing signs of her pubic hair growing out, and it was still rather fine even though it was as blond as her hair. Looking herself in the mirror, she unbound her hair and let it fall over her shoulders.

Just looking at the more mature Kelly, she realized that even with her clothes on, she was fully developed with motherly breasts. She shook her head hard when a naked image of the older Kelly flashed into Guy's mind, or at least what she speculated the now much older sister would look like fully undressed.

She turned on the shower as cold as she could stand it, set a bath stool under the spray, and just sat there as the cold cold water ran over her hair and body. It seemed the only way to banish the strange thoughts about Kelly. The cold water seemed to distract her as well, so that when she felt someone washing her hair, she suddenly realized that Kelly had slipped into the bath with her unnoticed.

"KELLY?!" she asked in shock.

"Hey," answered Kelly, "We're both girls, right? There's nothing wrong with one girl helping another bathe, right?"

"But... you know darn well that I'm a _boy_ at heart, right?"

"Like you'd ever let me forget, baby brother."

Guy risked a glance over her shoulder, and realized that she had gotten the mental picture of Kelly's naked form very close to what she really looked like nude. She shivered, and not from the cold water.

"I'm confused, sis."

"About what?"

"About the way you French kissed me when we first met."

"I... just missed you so much."

"I could understand a hug or even a kiss on the cheek, but even French people don't casually French kiss each other out of hand."

"I... I..." stammered Kelly, "There's something... It's just that..."

Kelly used her hand to turn Guy's head to the side, and tried to French her again. "MMMPPPHHH!" protested Guy into the kiss. Because she wasn't SheZow, she no longer had the strength to push Kelly away from her. She scrambled in an attempt to get away, but her feet found no purchase on the wet floor. The stool was knocked aside when she kicked it, and she fell to the tiled floor as Kelly fell on top of her. Even then, the frantic French kiss did not seem to break. Leaving one hand behind Guy's head, she used the other to reach around her lower back and pulled her in closer. Their bodies were now firmly pressing against each other.

Guy was finding herself losing the will to resist. She opened her mouth and let in Kelly's tongue so they could play together. Her cheeks burned in a flush, and she could see Kelly blushing hotly in the same way. The kiss dragged on for minute after minute before Kelly broke off.

"KELLY?!" asked Guy, "What's gotten into you?!"

"I can't help myself," she moaned back, "Every time I want to tell you... you..."

Their mouths were sealed again by another deep kiss. Kelly's hand slipped down Guy's back to grab a hand full of butt cheek.

"Mmmppphhh!" protested Guy into Kelly's mouth.

But when Kelly's hand slipped around her thigh and fingered her womanly slit, Guy flash changed back into SheZow.

Holding Kelly at arm's length, she said, "_You've been hypnotized or brainwashed or something!_"

Her eyes seemed to gain clarity for a few seconds as she said into her brother's face, "_You can't believe __anything__ I tell you! The only answer is to make sure __**this future never happens!**_" Then her eyes changed back as she seemed to be trying to remove SheZow's costume.

But SheZow stunned Kelly with a slap to her face, and then carried her out of the bathroom. Spying a coiled clothesline laying in the changing room, she hogtied Kelly as she said, "I'm real sorry about this, sis, but it's for your own good... and mine. I don't want to have to hurt you... _because I love you!_"

Kelly did not resist. In fact, being hogtied seemed to be somewhat of a turn on for her. Once tied, she took Kelly to the living room couch. Laying her out on the couch, she noticed that the plasma screen TV was on. It was on something called the _Kelly's Choice Channel_.

"Wait," mused SheZow as she grabbed the remote and turned the TV off, "The cable TV. It's a custom channel just for you, isn't it sis? You picked every show and every movie just like you want, right?"

Kelly nodded.

"Then that's what Dark Snide-R must be using to brainwash you and the others! It just makes the most sense!"

She sat down by Kelly's feet as she continued, "I have to change the past. There has to be a way to make things right again."

"Please don't leave me along like this," begged Kelly, "Every cell in my brain is screaming for you to make out with me! Right now, it's what I want more than anything left in the world!"

"All the reason I should leave you like this," she replied, "You'll just distract me like this. You might even tempt me in the state you're in."

"If you leave, I'll scream my head off! Someone will come, and then they'll send the guards to..." But Kelly was cut off as Guy shoved a washcloth into her mouth. "Mmmppphhh!" she protested.

"I'm so sorry about this, sis," she pleaded, "but if this works, _you'll never need to thank me_."

(Interlude between the first part of the episode and the second! She-yeah!)

The (Awkward) Stand

Episode 8, Part 2

By Neoraichu

Leaving Kelly on the couch, she locked the apartment door behind her. If Kelly managed to free herself, there was no way to lock her in. Even if she barred the front door, that would surely look suspicious to anyone passing by. She could only hope that by the time Kelly managed to get loose, SheZow would be well on her way back to the past to set things right.

But before she could even think about how to find Manstache, he was already spotting him right down the walkway. "Manstache," she called, and the large muscular man came over.

"I've been looking for you," he said quietly, "Gerald was acting... so... weird towards me."

"Let me guess," said SheZow, "French kisses and attempted sexual assault?"

"How did?.."

"It happened to me, too. Did Gerald have a custom cable channel running on a plasma TV?"

He nodded yes.

"I think that was the brainwashing device that Dark Snide-R has been using on the people around here. He puts suggestions into their heads about how wonderful he is, and what to do if they're trying to say something he doesn't want them to say."

He nodded yes.

"And the only way to stop Gerald was to knock him out and tie him up, right?"

He nodded yes (with a blush).

"And he had a moment of clarity when he said to not believe anything he told you?"

He nodded again.

"Probably right after trying to molest you in the bath?"

He nodded again (with a hotter blush on his face). She looked at his awkward stance and wondered just how far things had gotten out of hand before Gerald was tied up... then shook her head hard as she realized it was none of her (Guy's) business to know what happened between Kelsey's now male body and her brother.

"We have to get to the She-Hind now!" she ordered, "_It's the only way I can think of to return to the past and __**make sure this future never happens!**_ To the helipad!"

Armed men appeared in front and back of them, and one said "Halt in the name of Dark Snide-R! You are under arrest for suspicion of covert action against the benevolent one!"

"You did tie up Gerald, didn't you?"

He shook his head no as he said sheepishly, "I just locked him in the bedroom closet."

She looked at the rifles being leveled at them, and said darkly, "It looks like we aren't getting to the She-Hind without a fight. Heavy Handed Super-She Slap!" Her hand grew huge as she rushed forward to knock the guards out of her way.

"Super 'Stache Lash!" he said as his mustache grew into 20' long whips, and he started beating on the guards behind so she could stun them and take away their rifles.

"We have to do this fast!" shouted SheZow, "Who knows how many more are coming to stop us!"

"Oh, reinforcements are already here," said a familiar voice.

"_**SHEZAP?!**_" cried SheZow. She turned and saw the dark green menace coming up behind the group of rapidly beaten guards.

"_Yes_," SheZap snarled, "_and I'm here for_ _**revenge!**_"

She pulled her lipstick as she said, "_Laser Lipstick in Punishing Pink!_" And then SheZow just turned it on, the bright pink blade emerging from the lipstick case.

"_Laser Lipstick in Ghastly Green!_" replied her nemesis as she ignited her own lipstick beam sword. Somehow, it seemed almost a half a foot longer than SheZow's laser blade.

"Got an upgrade?" asked SheZow.

"Yes," snarled SheZap, "Not that I really need it to destroy the LIKES OF YOU!"

"We'll just see about that, sister!"

The two stepped close and swung their laser lipsticks, blocking each other in mid strike.

"I'm not your sister! I'll never be your sister! Once I take you down, I'm going to make you tell me _how the hell you got tits!_"

"It's a long story that _you will never get to hear!_"

They exchanged strikes, effectively parrying each other and canceling each other out as none of their blow managed to connect with their target.


	9. Chapter 9

A-Maz-ing Grace

Episode 9, Part 1

By Neoraichu

All Characters are the property of Frederator Studios, and I hope that the Manstache is something I dreamed up myself.

...

SheZow found herself in a deadly duel with SheZap, laser lipstick against laser lipstick, and punishing pink against ghastly green. It seemed that even though more time had passed for SheZap, it seemed her increased age more than made up for any increased training and experience she might have gained. And even though it seemed SheZap had superior laser lipstick as well, there was still no edge over SheZow.

She glanced over at the Manstache, who didn't seem to be having much trouble cleaning the clocks of Dark Snide-R's security forces with his mighty mustache-fists of fury. Even their plastic body armor did not seem to help them all that much, and like most flunky guards, they seemed to be unable to hit the broad side of a barn to boot.

"Hey SheZow," asked SheZap, "Did you have fun with your big sister?!"

"What are you talking about?" she asked back.

"I saw the video feed. Don't even try to deny it. What you and your sister were doing together was _totally sick_," sneered SheZap, "_I thought it was great myself_. Didn't know you had the pervert in you, your goodie-goodieness!"

SheZow suddenly realized what SheZap was talking about, and she was horribly embarrassed by it all. It wasn't planned, and it wasn't even their choice, but somehow the brainwashing set up in the cable television system by Dark Snide-R or one of his flunkies. She was so taken aback by SheZap's comments that a slash from her ghastly green laser lipstick managed to split the 'S' in SheZap's top, leaving it split down the front almost to her belly button. It was lucky the blade had only grazed the skin beneath it, but now the parts were flapping in the wind, and SheZap was getting more than a good look at SheZow's cleavage.

"That was a cheap trick, SheZap!" growled SheZow.

"_You idiot_," came the retort, "_I was trying to KILL you, not get a peep show out of you!_"

"Well I'm not going to let you distract me again!" she cried back, "You little cheater!"

Then something blunt struck SheZow in the back, sending her skidding face down across the grass and sidewalk. She rolled over to see dark Maz with some kind of oversized boxing gloves just behind the place she was just standing. In skidding across the ground, her top had peeled back and her breasts were now covered with grass stains. She used one hand to cover her chest as she scowled at Maz, but when she was distracted again, SheZap struck and knocked her laser lipstick out of her other hand.

"Damn you!" shouted SheZap at Maz, "**This bitch is mine!** Go play with the other freak!"

Without a word, Maz turned and went after the Manstache.

"Well, it looks like you finally managed to get the upper hand over me," commented SheZow. She knew her laser lipstick was knocked somewhere behind her, but was probably several feet away if not further.

"For the first and last time," came the answer.

"And you still couldn't beat me without help!"

"What are you trying to say?!"

"Obviously, you're still just a _cheap and dark_ imitation of me!"

"_You have 3 seconds to get back your laser lipstick before I start attacking you again, you little tramp! Make the most of it!_"

SheZow smiled as she turned and lunged in the direction she thought her laser lipstick went flying. It was just the reaction she was looking for from SheZap.

"One thousand one..."

The laser lipstick was a bit further away than SheZow thought it would be.

"One thousand two..."

And SheZap was counting a bit on the fast side. She grabbed it, turned it on a she rolled over, and noticed that SheZap was already moving in to attack her.

"_One thousand three!_"

She just managed to block the blade in time, but using both hands to do so, her grass stained breasts were now quite on public display. SheZap laughed in her face as she taunted, "Well, you're a flasher now too? Have you no shame at all?!"

"I'm more concerned about surviving than my modesty," she shot back.

But SheZap had distracted her once more, and she barely saw the black boot come in until it had kicked her between her breasts, knocking her back even further and partly taking the wind out of her sails in the process. If the blow between her shoulder blades wasn't going to leave a mark, then this kick surely was. The fact she managed to keep her grip on her laser lipstick was about the only lucky break she was going to get.

"_You're still so pathetically naive!_" shouted SheZap as she advanced to attack again. She raised her arms for an overhead swing, but then changed her grip at the last second, spun around switching from a high strike to a low blow, and sent a rending slice from between SheZow's legs upwards. The slash split SheZow's skirt completely, and nearly split her belt buckle in half as well.

"**You're doing a damn good job of stripping me, and you say I'm the **_**pervert**_**?!**" she yelled back at SheZap.

"_That's not what was supposed to happen!_" replied SheZap angrily, "_**You were supposed to DIE just now!**_"

"Well if you want to see my tits so badly, _then take a real good look at them!_" She rested her elbows on the ground, arched her back, and let SheZap see her breasts in all their grass-stained glory. Her laser lipstick was laying on the ground in her hand, and she was all but open to another slash from SheZap.

But SheZap was flustered at SheZow's brazeness. She stepped back, her cheeks flush as she spluttered, "_How dare you accuse me of... HOW DARE YOU IMPLY THAT... You little bitch, I'm NOT like THAT at all!_"

"_Oh really?!_" scowled SheZow, "_When you were talking about how you were watching me and my sister going at each other in the bathroom, __**you sounded like you were really turned on by the whole thing!**_"

"I! was! Not!"

SheZow grabbed the split buckle, and tore away her own skirt and belt. The spandex pants underneath were also slightly split slightly by the laser lipstick slash from SheZap.

"_You want to see it all, __**don't you?!**_" she taunted.

"No!" screamed SheZap, "Stop it, you sicko!"

When SheZow put her hand over her own crotch, SheZap put one hand over the eyes. It was then that SheZow leaned forward and threw her laser lipstick at SheZap, the blade burying itself into the villain's chest. Looking down at the blade, SheZap got a horrific look just before falling backwards onto the sidewalk.

"_If I can stop Dark Snide-R in the past_," scowled SheZow, "_I'll never have to feel sorry about doing that to you!_"

But SheZap was not hearing her, as death had already taken place. SheZow retrieved her blade as she closed SheZap's eyes for the last time, at least in this future. She then took SheZap's laser lipstick as well, almost on a whim.

Looking around, she realized that Manstache had whipped all of the guards, and was now in a manly boxing event with Dark Maz. The two fought like champs, both in taking hits and dishing them out. They were both a little punch drunk, and both were sporting bruises on their face and other parts of the body not covered.

She lunged forward and buried both blades in Dark Maz's back just below the shoulder blades. He looked shocked at the blades emerged from the other side of his chest, but he only had a second or two to think about it before he fell to the ground.

"_Miss SheZow?!_" yelled the Manstache, "_How could you! __**That's not honorable!**_"

"We don't have time," she yelled back, "and if we fix the past, _this never will have happened!_"

She rushed to Maz's side as he rolled over and looked her in the eyes. Slipping her hands around his chest, she lifted him up a few inches from the ground.

"You did what you had to, bro," he coughed, "Don't feel bad about it. Just make sure I never become..." But his breath failed as he died in her arms.

"_**My apprentice!**_" shouted someone close by, "_**He was your old friend too, and YOU JUST MURDERED HIM IN COLD BLOOD!**_"

She looked around to see Dark Snide-R standing among his fallen men with a blood red laser sword in his hand glowing brightly. He really looked mad.

"_**Because you made him into a monster he never was before!**_" yelled SheZow back.

"_**I never turned anyone into a monster if they weren't one already!**_"

She picked up both laser lipsticks and stood up from Maz's body.

(Interlude between the first part of the episode and the second! She-yeah!)

The Wrath of Dark Snide-R

Episode 9, Part 2

By Neoraichu

"_**I'll KILL YOU FOR WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO MY APPRENTICE!**_" yelled Dark Snide-R as he stepped into an overhead swing down at SheZow. She put the blades crossed in a X-pattern as she blocked the blow. A shower of sparks erupted from where the blades crossed, and it wasn't very pleasant to feel them as they splattered across SheZow's all but bare chest.

"_Well Maz didn't blame me for what you made me do!_" shouted SheZow back.

"If you want a fight, monster," growled the Manstache, "then fight me! Don't take out your rage on a LITTLE GIRL!"

"Little girl?!" asked SheZow increduously.

"_**Fine!**_" growled Dark Snide-R, "_**Then you can die first!**_"

He took a slash at the Manstache, who blocked it with his mustache of power, but was trimmed a few inches off the end in the process. At the same time, he used the other half of his stache to throw a punch back at him, but only succeeded in landing a glancing blow off the villain's shoulder.

"Your mustache," said SheZow, "I thought it was supposed to be bulletproof?"

"Apparently not laser sword proof," he replied, "but don't you worry. I have plenty of stache left to beat some sense into this villain with!"

"_**Oh, I'll have you trimmed to stubs in just a minute**_," growled Dark Snide-R. But he was not distracted enough to let SheZow's double lipstick strike get in past his guard, using his own blade to block both lipsticks from her at once.

"You shouldn't interrupt a manly fight," growled Manstache.

"And I can't let you die for some macho stupidity!" yelled SheZow back.

"This is honor," he replied, "not some macho stupidity!"

"_**For someone calling themselves 'super hero', you certainly act like a super villain!**_" growled Dark Snide-R.

"I can afford honor when we're back in the past," she replied, "But now survival is more important right now than anyone's honor!"

"A hero must be honorable at all times!" retorted the Manstache, "Not just when having honor is convenient for them!"

"_**It seems we agree on something**_," answered Dark Snide-R, "_**If you survive this, I'll train you to be my **__**new apprentice**__**!**_"

"What good would I do serving you when you have the likes of SheZap working for you?" he asked back.

"_**And what good would it do you to go back to the past with someone who murders their own friends when it's convenient?**_"

SheZow took another double swing at Dark Snide-R as she yelled, "_Stop playing your little mind games with us, monster!_"

He blocked both strikes as he said, "_**and you have the nerve to call me **__**monster**__**?! The one who knocked out his own sister, hogtied her naked, and left her helpless in her own living room**__**?!**_"

"You watched the video too?" asked SheZow, "But who is going to take advantage of her like that? _Your own security forces?!_"

"_**They're apparently more honorable than you are!**_" he replied.

"Talk about the kettle calling the pot black!" she snarled back.

"**Do you really think you can throw aside all your beliefs just because you think you can go back to the past and change things?!**"

"Yes!" shouted SheZow, "I do!"

Dark Snide-R jumped aside, barely avoiding a burst of She-hine Cannon and Sheatling Mini-Gun fire.

"She-Hind!" shouted SheZow. She was amazed at how the She-Hind had flown in without even making a sound. Stealth mode was really efficient. She hadn't even called to the She-Hind yet, and somehow she knew to come and get them.

"_**I'll get you and your little gunship too!**_" shouted Dark Snide-R as he vanished in a puff of smoke.

As the She-Hind circled to land, SheZow looked at the fallen forms of Maz and SheZap, and she cried, "I've lost my innocence today. I can never get it back now."

"Come on," said the Manstache, "No one is part redemption, Miss SheZow. Not if you're willing to be truly sorry for your misdeeds. Your innocence might be gone, but you can still be a good person and do good things."

When the Manstache hugged her against his chest, she let the laser lipsticks fall from her hands as she wept bitterly against him. She wrapped her arms about his chest as she wailed.

"There there miss," he said soothingly as he hugged her back and patted her just behind the shoulder blades, "let it all out."

"_I'm so sorry!_" she cried, "_I never wanted to be like this! I have to go back and save Kelly!_"

"We can't," he replied, "Saving them would only leave us the option of bringing them back to the past with us, and who knows how badly that would mess things up."

"_I can't_," she cried, "_I'm no villain! I can't just leave Kelly helpless and alone! I just can't!_" Breaking out of the Manstache's grip, she turned and ran back to Kelly's apartment. Her path was not straight because she was still partly blinded by her tears. He bent over and picked up the fallen laser lipsticks before he ran off after her. Glancing over his shoulder, he yelled to the She-Hind, "Follow close behind and be ready to pick us up fast!"

"Acknowledged," replied the gunship.

By the time he caught up with her, she just emerged from the apartment door holding Kelly in her arms, and apparently not taking time to untie, ungag or even dress his sister first. They were really in a hurry, after all. The She-Hind landed fast and opened her side door as they all piled inside.

"Take off and fast!" shouted SheZow, "It's time to go back to the past!"


	10. Chapter 10

Moving Ahead to the Past

Episode 10, Part 1

By Neoraichu

All Characters are the property of Frederator Studios, and I hope that the Manstache is something I dreamed up myself.

...

SheZow stayed in back of the She-Hind with the older version of Kelly. As much as she was tempted to untie her, she couldn't do so as long as he older older sister was still under the brainwashing of Dark Snide-R. But she couldn't look her in the eyes either. Her accusing, pleading eyes that scolded her whenever she saw them as if to say "_I love you. I hate you. Untie me now_". She couldn't stop thinking about the scolding words she had heard from SheZap before she died with a laser lipstick through the heart. What she did was add a blindfold to Kelly so she wouldn't see any secrets from the lair of the past, even though she was there in the past. But SheZow figured that after all those years and brainwashing, she might have forgotten a few details about the old lair that she wouldn't need to remember.

She-Hind spoke to SheZow through it's own Sheila computer, saying "Dark Snide-R has deployed robotic forces to intercept us. It will take too long to warm up the Time Jump engine to leave before they attack. I shall deploy countermeasures to buy us some time."

SheZow could hear the copter deploying flares, chaff, and other measures she couldn't see or hear from the inside. There was numerous explosions around the She-Hind, and although they felt close enough to rattle her teeth, none seemed to actually damage the super helicopter gunship. But it was enough to get SheZow's head back in the game instead of her thoughts about the older Kelly.

"She-Hind!" she said, "Turn around and fire everything we have! See how many robots you can take out in one pass!"

"_Affirmative_!"

SheZow strapped down Kelly just as the She-Hind went into a radical turn. She could feel the huge burst of fire from all of the guns and cannons, the whine of the railguns, the rush of all missiles firing, the hum of the pink laser cannons, and even the release of the laser guided bombs. There were explosions and the shredding of metal all around them.

"_Robotic forces dispersed_," reported Shiela 2, "_Ready for Time Jump_."

"**You go, chopper girl!**"

SheZow could feel themselves slip into the Time Stream.

Manstache looked into the back as he said, "Do you mind warning me the next time you plan a kamikaze run?"

"It worked, didn't it?" replied SheZow curtly.

Kelly just made noises into the gag. She struggled wildly in her efforts to free herself from the ropes that bound her.

"So what do you plan to do with her?" he asked as he looked down over the older Kelly.

"I... don't know yet... I know we just have to made sure she gets deprogrammed. She can't be left under Dark Snide-R's influences. If I can alter the past, our own present, then she will be a relic of the nonexistent future. I'm sure I can think of some reasonable excuse why she's hanging around."

"So how do you plan to find Dark Snide-R in the past?"

"I have a few suspicions about where we can find him."

"I see. Plan to share with the rest of the class?"

"Not yet," replied SheZow, "Because some innocent people and their reputations could be hurt if I'm wrong about this."

Manstache nodded.

"_We shall reach the Temporal Coordinates in 30 seconds_," announced the She-Hind.

"Keep us advised," said SheZow.

"_Affirmative_."

"I don't know if I can ever be the way I was again," sighed SheZow sadly.

"You've changed," said Manstache, "but that doesn't mean you're worse. The things you did were what you thought you had to, but as long as you see the wrongness of your actions and you feel sorry about it, you won't turn to the dark side. I promise."

"Thanks," she replied, "I needed that."

"_We shall reach the Temporal Coordinates in 15 seconds_," announced the She-Hind.

"_Go to full stealth mode as soon as we arrive_," replied SheZow.

"_Affirmative_."

SheZow made sure Kelly was secure before she went back to the cockpit.

"_We shall reach the Temporal Coordinates now_," announced the She-Hind. SheZow saw the world change from the effects of the Time Stream back to the real world. They were hovering over the building they had the final battle with the Menacing Manster. The ground was littered with broken choppers and destroyed Police Cruisers.

"What are we doing here?" asked Manstache, "Aren't we possibly changing our own past?"

"She-Hind," she called to the computer, "Search for anything that doesn't belong in this Time Frame! Notify me of the least little weird thing you sense!"

"_Affirmative_."

A few seconds passed before she continued, "_I have detected a stealth probe. It has been displaced here from another Time Frame. I estimate a 90.69% chance it is from the future_."

"That's what I thought," said SheZow, "Can you tell me what it's doing?"

"_There is a 92.36% chance it is collecting the remaining essence of the Menacing Manster. The collection technology it is using is not known to me_."

"Can the probe be destroyed _without being seen by the Police Officers_?"

"_Negative_."

"Can you track to probe to see where it goes?"

"_Affirmative_."

"Then _make it so_."

"_Tracking_."

The She-Hind silently tracked the invisible probe across Megadale while staying in its own Stealth Mode.

"Can you tell who made the probe?"

"_Negative. That would require intrusive scanning that would reveal our presence. Do you wish me to initiate those procedures_?"

"_No, it's important we remain undetected_."

"_Affirmative_."

"What are we doing?" asked Manstache.

"I think we're going to find Dark Snide-R in the past, that's what."

"So we can deal with him now?"

"I hope so."

"_We have passed the City Limits of Megadale_," announced the She-Hind.

"Any idea where we're going?" asked the Manstache.

"A suspicion," she replied, "but I don't know _exactly_ where we're going."

"_The probe is heading towards a small, private lab_," said She-Hind.

"Continue tracking."

"Affirmative."

A minute passed.

"_The probe is about to enter the lab. This is the last chance to destroy it. What is your commands_?"

"Just let it go."

"_Affirmative. The probe has entered the lab facility_."

"Land nearby. Remain in Stealth Mode. Make sure Kelly remains secure."

"_Affirmative_."

The heroes left the chopper in order to sneak into the lab.

(Interlude between the first part of the episode and the second! She-yeah!)

Dark Snide-R, I presume?

Episode 10, Part 2

By Neoraichu

"Isn't this just a little bit illegal?" asked the Manstache as he sneaked behind SheZow.

"I suppose so," she replied, "but if there's some villain in there doing what I think they are, then they must be stopped. _We can deal with the law later_."

"If the alarm goes off, won't it be sooner than later?"

"Good point," she said as she called to Sheila 2, "Can you bypass security systems and get us in there?"

"_I could do that much with 90% of my processing capacity turned off,_" came the reply.

"Well, use it all anyways. Make sure you don't leave any trace of our activities here."

"_Affirmative. Security has been bypassed. You are free to move about the lab_."

"Then lets go in and see what's happening," she said to the Manstache.

"It looks like the place has been closed for the night," he noted, "I don't see any Security Personnel hanging around either. It just seems a little suspicious."

"Maybe they think they don't need humans with a high tech security system?"

"I suppose, but that does seem a bit stupid. Don't they think anyone will ever bypass the security systems?"

"I guess not. It's their problem. We have to get going here."

They stepped through the front door to see the empty lobby. All the lights were shut off. It seemed everything but the security system was shut off.

SheZow called to Sheila 2, "Where has the probe gone?"

"_I lost track of it when it went to the lower levels of the lab_," she replied, "_The lower levels are blocking all sensory signals. What ever is done there, they don't want anyone scanning it or tracing signals from it_."

"Okay, we'll just have to take an elevator down and take a look for ourselves."

They walked to the elevators in the back of the lobby.

"Will these take us down far enough?" she asked Sheila 2.

"_Negative_."

"Then scan for the elevator that will."

"_Affirmative_."

They waited for Sheila 2 to call back.

"_Elevator detected. Head down the main corridor to the back of the building. I have already bypassed the card reader and the retina scanner, so just use it like a normal elevator._"

"I read you."

They went to the back of the building and took the elevator down to the lab level. Leaving it behind, they went into a place filled with all manner of sci-fi equipment like it was right out of some B-grade movie. In the back of the room, they could see someone putting on a jumpsuit. They stood next to something that looked like an open high-tech coffin.

"Dark Snide-R, I presume?!" asked SheZow.

"What?!" he asked as he turned, "You aren't supposed to be here!"

"_The times, they are a changing_," she replied with a smirk.

"How did he time travel?" asked the Manstache.

"He didn't," she replied, "Dark Snide-R was just created a moment ago from the essence of the Menacing Manster. Without his testosterone-based powers, what you have left is what just became Dark Snide-R."

"So there was still power left in him even when he vanished?"

"Yes."

"So why did he just go away?"

"I think that probe from the future had something to do with that. It was sent on a one-way trip. There's no power to move through time freely that he had access to."

"How perceptive of you," he replied, "but the law can't touch me now. I haven't done anything wrong yet."

"I know," she replied, "and we're not here to try. We're not even here to fight you. I'm just here to warn you that **you will never get the future you're trying to create**. SheZow is here to stay, and I'll always thwart your plans."

"If he was just born, then how is he so talkative and knowledgeable?"

"He was programmed by the probe from it's own database."

"Not programmed, just educated. I have learned the equivalent of six Masters Degrees in less than two minutes. You should leave now. Trespassing is against the law you know."

"Call the cops," she said with a smirk, "I'd love to hear how you explain away the _fact you were just created_, or the fact this lab is full of _illegal cloning equipment_."

"Touche, SheZow," he answered, "but then, would you want to be hauled down to the Police Station and risk having your identities revealed? You will be interrogated, the two of you, and who knows if you would crack under such pressure or not."

"An equally valid point," she replied, "So we'll go now. I promise we'll release the Security System as soon as we're safely out of range."

"How thoughtful of you. Thank you."

"I'm sure we'll be meeting again."

"I'm sure."

They left the lab and returned to the She-Hind.

"It's time to go past the time we left, Sheila 2. Just take us to the next day, and land us outside the SheLair."

"_Affirmative_."

"Remain in Stealth Mode until I say otherwise."

"_Affirmative_."

...

SheZow and the Manstache walked into the Lair as she carried the older Kelly in her arms.

"SHEZOW!" cried Kelly, "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?! WE'VE HAD NO TRACE OF YOU ALL DAY AND ALL NIGHT!"

"It's a real long story," SheZow began.

"And who the hell is that?!" she asked as she pointed at her older self.

"It's the future version of you,.."

"Why the hell am I,.. the future me... naked, hogtied, blindfolded and gagged?!"

"The _short explanation_ is that she's been brainwashed by a future villain. She'll do weird things that... might upset you... until we can make sure the programming that's been done to her has been undone. Until then, I had to make sure that she can't hurt herself or anyone else back in the past... And she attacked me while she was naked. I was in a hurry and didn't have time to fix that..."

"I see. The blindfold..."

"Is to make sure she doesn't see anything that might be used against us. _She might be programmed to make sure that the future she came from will come to pass, and we cannot allow that to happen_."

"Okay, but it's still kinda creepy."

"I know. _It's not like I'm some pervert or anything._"

"I guess I know you well enough to agree with you there."

"By the way, anything new on the body and ring switch?"

"_I am still processing that data_," replied Shiela.

"Well I guess now's a good a time as any..."

"For what?" asked Kelly.

"She-Hind," called SheZow, "Fly in here and decloak."

"_Affirmative_," replied Sheila 2.

The She-Hind seemed to appear from nowhere right next to the Shehicle.

"What the hell is that?!" asked Kelly.

"_I am Sheila 2. 0. 3. 6. The Operating System for the She-Hind Gunship_."

"_I cannot interface with your systems_," said Sheila.

"_Due to security concerns, I was designed to be incompatible with the original system. We can only interact verbally_."

"_I see, and this is because?_"

"_In the future, you will be hacked before you are destroyed. The Lair was ruined as well. I was made by Future Kelly, Future Gerald, and Future Maz from the remains of the Computer and Lair as a last defense against the villain designated 'Dark Snide-R'. However, I could not operate properly without interfacing with the power of SheZow, so I remained dormant for a number of years. They hoped that SheZow would return sometime in the future because there was no record of her existing as Guy/Kelsey in the past_."

"_Logical assumption_."

"_I hope that my presence in the past will not upset the future_."

"As long as we only upset Dark Snide-R," said SheZow, "I don't think that will be an issue."

"Well we can't leave me... uh, her... tied up like this indefinitely!"

"As soon as Sheila does the basic deprogramming, we can let her loose."

"So let's get it started already."

"We also need to establish a fake identity for her so she can be around here. She can't be the same Kelly as you, you know."

"I already guessed as much."

"You can do several things at once, right Sheila?"

"_Of course. I'm not a super computer for nothing._"


	11. Chapter 11

Second What Removed Who?

Episode 11, Part 1

By Neoraichu

All Characters are the property of Frederator Studios, and I hope that the Manstache is something I dreamed up myself.

...

Kelly had taken Guy (still in the body of Kelsey) to discuss the disposition of the older Kelly.

"I know she's been tied up like that for a while," Guy said as she glanced towards the now struggling older Kelly, "but unless you ready to face a full on groping offensive, I don't know what I can do about it."

"Well, she surely has to... uh... _you know_... by now. Besides, I'm sure she could use some food and drink too."

"Sheila?" she asked.

"_Yes, Kelsey?_" she replied.

"You know I'm actually Guy, right?"

"_I'm an Artificial Intelligence_," answered the computer, "_and we aren't just 'reprogrammed' so easily because of a significant change in circumstances. You could be returned to your proper body in a matter of hours, and restructuring all of the security protocols would most likely take more time than that. If your aunt and uncle suddenly switched minds, would you remember to switch their names that quickly?_"

"I guess not."

"_Now what can I do for you?_"

"What's the status of the older Kelly's deprogramming regimen?"

"_I am still only 75.31% certain as to which aspects of her memories are her own, and which are the results of Dark Snide-R's programming_. _However, there is a more short term solution available at this time_."

"Which is?"

"_I can insert a small program into her mind that will generally counteract abnormal and counterproductive impulses on her part. It would stop her from acting improperly, or lending aid and support to Dark Snide-R_."

"How long will this take?"

"_Once you have the hologoggles strapped to her head, a matter of minutes_."

"Does that work for you, Kelly?"

Kelly nodded. So Guy removed the blindfold while Kelly slapped on and strapped down the hologoggles. As a precaution, they also strapped her down to the table she was laid out on by her shoulders, hips, and lower legs.

"_Downloading_," said Sheila, "_60 seconds remaining_."

The older Kelly didn't seem to take the download kindly, as she began to really struggle and try to escape her bonds.

"Could she hurt herself like that?" asked Kelly nervously.

"_I estimate there is only a 5.31% chance of injury_."

"Keep going," said Guy, "The sooner we're done with this, the better."

"_Affirmative_."

"Are you..." asked Kelly.

"Yes, I'm sure."

"_30 seconds remaining_."

But the intensity of the older Kelly's struggles only increased. She was now thrashing her head back and forth. The two stepped up to hold her head still. Kelly was really worried that she might pull something, or worse break something if it didn't end very soon.

"Please," she begged, "Just stop it!"

"We're almost there," said Guy.

"_15 seconds remaining_."

It was getting hard to hold her head still with even two of them, but when Guy flash changed back into SheZow, the task became quite easy. She looked at the half panicked Kelley and said, "I promise everything's going to be alright."

"_10 seconds remaining. Stress in the left hip joint exceeding acceptable levels. Stress fracture is imminent_."

"Can you stun her?" asked SheZow.

"_Affirmative_."

"Then do it!" she ordered, "Just for 15 seconds if you can."

A beam shot from the computer screen, striking the older Kelly and making her stop moving.

"_5 seconds remaining. Stress fracture averted._"

Kelly and Guy sighed in relief.

"_Programming complete. She is now free to roam the lair_."

They removed the goggles and began to untie her as Guy noted, "Hmm, she's too endowed to wear any of our clothes."

"Well we'll just have to buy her some then, because I'm sure as heck not going to steal any of Droosha's clothes."

"Yes, we don't have to bother mom for clothes," sighed SheZow, "but the only stuff I can afford right now is second hand clothing store stuff."

"Don't worry yourself, little brother," she replied with a smirk, "I'll help you pay for it."

"Your little brother is off doing guy things with Maz and Gerald. Well, probably just Maz."

"Fine."

"I'd almost say you were _jealous_."

"She-yeah," said Guy, "Because of what she thought her own brother thought about her, she spent most of her time alone. She needs real friends badly, so while I might be just a little bit jealous, I can't say I'm unhappy about it."

"How mature of you."

"Oh," moaned the older Kelly, "I have to use the..."

"_Follow the lit arrows on the floor to the unisex bathroom_," said Shiela as little red arrows did in fact appear on the floor and head off to the opposite side of the lair from the entrance.

"There's a bathroom _down here_?" asked Guy as he watched the nude older Kelly head off as quick as she could in that direction.

"_You never asked_," said the computer.

"**Is there any other facilities down here I should know about?**"

"_Please specify_."

"Oh never mind."

"_Affirmative_."

"Could I ask you a favor, sis?"

"Yeah?" asked Kelly.

"Could you take the Shehicle and buy some clothes for the older you?" asked SheZow just a little awkwardly, "I don't want to leave the older you down here alone. The situation that would happen if she should wander up to the house in this..."

"Of course," she replied, "I'm pretty sure I know the rest of what you're trying to say."

"I'd let you take the She-Hind if you weren't going into town."

"Yes," she replied, "I'm sure even a cloaked gunship would make a disturbance inside Megadale City Limits. There will be another time from that, I'm sure."

SheZow nodded. Then she turned to Sheila and asked, "So how's the fake ID for the older Kelly coming?"

"_It won't be long before your mother meets her second cousin once removed from the old country back in Eastern Europe_."

"I see."

"The one she didn't apparently know about?" asked Kelly.

"_The same_."

"So what name will she be known by?"

"_Marilyn Monroe_."

"Seriously?!"

"_What's wrong with that?_"

"Oh, never mind."

(Interlude between the first part of the episode and the second! She-yeah!)

Who's moving in now?

Episode 11, Part 2

By Neoraichu

Meanwhile, Kelsey (in the body of Guy) was hanging out with Maz at the half-pipe. They were fully decked out for skateboarding antics.

"Hey," said Maz, "You're pretty awesome!"

"Thanks," replied Kelsey, "You're pretty good yourself."

The two stood at the top of the half-pipe while a momentary silence set in. Then Maz spoke up as he said, "Oh, gotta do a dude thing. Be right back." He rode the skateboard down, turned and left the half-pipe.

"What are you talking about?" asked Kelsey.

He left the skateboard behind as he made his way to a thick bush, and went around to where he couldn't be seen by Kelsey or from the road. Then Kelsey could hear the distinct sound of water streaming against something.

"_What are you doing back there?_"

"You know... Dude stuff?"

"_You can do that out here?_"

"Well sure," said Maz, "and you can too. You got like dude stuff and all that."

Kelsey paused a moment, and said, "Well, I have been holding it in a while now." Taking the skateboard, she rode down to where Maz stopped, and followed him around the bush. Maz didn't notice Kelsey until they were almost next to each other.

"How do you do this... dude stuff?"

"Well, just look at what I'm doing. That's all there is to it." Maz was still going pretty strong and steady at the moment. Kelsey blushed as she had never seen 'dude stuff' before.

"Don't worry," said Maz, "I've seen Guy's dude stuff before. Ain't no big thing. Just hold it like this and be sure to aim at something that won't be hurt doing... dude stuff on it."

"Oh, I'm so embarrassed," confessed Kelsey.

"You'll see a lot of dude stuff," said Maz, "especially in the school changing room for the men. I mean, Guy is supposed to be taking Gym Classes. It's the subject he's best in."

Kelsey began working the zipper and fiddling with the pants.

"Maz?" asked a familiar voice, "What are you two doing back?.. ACK!" It was Kelly, and she looked just as Kelsey had pulled out the dude stuff. "Kelsey!" she exclaimed, "What are you doing? You're really a girl!"

"I'm sorry, but I have to do the dude stuff before something bursts." This came out with a blush across the face.

Kelly spun around as she said, "Fine. I'm just getting clothes for the older me," she said as she waved in the general direction of the parked Shehicle.

"Older who?" asked Maz and Kelsey as one. Now they were both doing the dude stuff.

"It's apparently a long story, and SheZow hasn't told me all about..."

"SHEZOW'S BACK?!" asked Maz.

"Yes, she is. And so is the Manstache. And apparently an older version of me from the future as well."

"Wow," said Maz as he looked down at Kelsey, "I think your dude stuff got bigger."

Kelly and Kelsey both blushed badly when Maz announced that.

"I better go," spluttered Kelley, "before the stores close." She hurried off towards the parked Shehicle. The stores were going to be open for at least 4 more hours.

"We'll come to the Lair later," said Maz .

"Fine," said Kelly. She tried to scrub her mind of the things she just saw.

...

Droosha looked at the stranger standing in their doorway. With her hair redone up in a bun and a bunch of second hand clothing that was a little too tight in the chest, she only looked like Kelly somewhat in the facial features. There was a little cheap makeup to help make them less look alike. She was standing there with Kelly and Kelsey at her sides.

"Marilyn Monroe?" she asked.

"Second cousin once removed," said Kelly, "She just flew in from Eastern Europe. Because of trouble back there, she's coming to the United States for awhile. She's even fluent in English already."

The older Kelly nodded.

"So where exactly are you from?" asked Droosha.

"Oh, it's changed hands a number of times," replied Marilyn, "But it's now in Poland."

"You speak Polish?"

Thanks to the translator in her ear, she replied, "Mówię Polski?"

Droosha answered, "Tak, wiem."

"Well now that's that is out of the way, let's see what we can do with your second cousin once removed until she can get her own place to live."

"Are you here on a work visa?" asked Droosha.

"Tak," she replied, then changed to, "Yes."

"So what do you do for a living?"

"I still do housework as a maid."

"Oh, I'm sure you'll get a job somewhere here in Megadale, and my husband is part of the Police Department. I'm sure they know someone who knows someone who can find you a decent place to live. But I'm sure that Boxter won't mind if you use the guest room for a few days in the meantime."

Marilyn nodded.

"It's odd, but I do see a strong resemblance between you and Kelly."

"It's strange, isn't it?" asked Kelly.

"You're being oddly quiet, aren't you Guy?" She waited and asked again, "Guy?"

Kelly nudged Kelsey with her elbow, prompting the response, "What? Who?.. Oh, sorry mom, I was... thinking about other things... What were you asking?"

"You're so quiet. Do you have an opinion about Marilyn Monroe staying here? You know the only way this will work is if you share a room with your sister for a while. There's no way even distant family is going to sleep on the living room couch."

"That's not a problem," he said quietly.

"Good, because Kelly is moving into your room. I'm sure you can live with a little cleaning and lightening up in your room, right?"

"Oh, it won't kill me or anything..."

"You're such a good son," she said with a smile.

"Oh, I'm sure we'll do our best to get along," said Kelly.


End file.
